Last 2007 Blog - Happy New Year :-)

Hi Friday peops

Late TGIF again – few decent excuses tho’…. Christmas slob out, Knackering Knickers traumas, bulbous problems and rucks with my rucksack!!

Christmas day was lovely – fed the old uns –think I maybe did overdo the sugar as mom has had a funny tummy ever since! The ‘Britain’s Best Dish menu’ went down a treat – the Tiddy Oggies, slow cooked pork and apple pie were rather delish tho I say so myself. Lovely pressies too – lots of fab stuff to take on hols – and a humungous pink leather overnight bag from Numpts – almost too good to use – big enough to smuggle her to NZ in – think that was the thought!

Knickers-wise I’m doomed to be going commando in New Zealand – you know you’ve got to have new knickers to take on holiday haven’t you – but the Primark ones ripped as I tried to get them up my legs – so I gave them away to two smaller bummed girls at work – but they also cut their blood supplies off – so treated myself to a couple of new pairs of sponge bob specials - decided to up the size – my arse is now built for comfort y’see – but spotted some lovely ‘short style’ ones in the sale yesterday – got them home and they were just huge Bridgets – bugger! So y’see I think it’s commando now….



Christmas bulbs eh? My amaryllis is proving interesting – at 76cm (30 inches in old money…) it has started to move – first it was just seeking out the light, then it got bolder…. it got a scared during Dr Who’s Christmas special and headed for the window, by bed time it was at right angles and in the morning had a distinct case of Amaryllis

Brewer’s droop – so has spent the rest of the festive season propped up against various bits of furniture – a little the worse for wear – I know how it feels!...and so does Numpty - having confessed her own Christmas special Kamikaze nose dive onto her nephew on the sofa - ending up wearing her dinner – don’t you just love those Sherry moments… hic! Sadly no pics of Numpts – no-one was quick enough :-(

Now it’s not an understatement to say I have unpacked and repacked ol’ rucky about a dozen times – it’s such a faff having to put all liquid lotions and potions in a resealable bag – then measure and weigh hand luggage and the like – I dare say I will have one more ‘dry run’ before Saturday J two of everything is what I have decided – one on and one stinking the rucky out… I’m going to look like Michelin man with the amount of stuff I’m wearing just in case my luggage goes walkabout at Thiefrow…. So folks you have a quiet month ahead – if I get chance I’ll post stuff on the Blog – all I know is there are 11 of us – and I start in Auckland and end up in Christchurch – and after one final meal I then head off to Canterbury to bug Manda & Rich for the week – it all seems a little unreal at the moment – but this time next week I’ll be up in the air somewhere…. Hopefully.

So take care now and hope you have a great start to 2008 – see some of you at COBS tomorrow night

Kimmie x

Saw this in the Readers Digest…. Thought it was appropriate…

A neurotic friend of mine left some emotional baggage unattended at Heathrow Airport…. It caused a massive insecurity alert……

Kim's Xmas Newsletter 2007......Yule see it's fab!!!

Bournville in Feb

Hi folks – hope 2007 has been a good one for you all – as usual here it has been a rollercoaster – mind you I reckon it’s the same for a lot of us these days? I’ve still managed to condense it onto one side of A4! Without the ups and downs, we wouldn’t appreciate the ups! Dad lost his sister - my Aunty Joyce at the beginning of the year – and a cousin lost her hubbie too – but on the bright side we got to meet up with the family!

I know you’re always dying to know whether I’ve found Mr Right, so I’ll put you out of your misery early on – No :-) ….had an interesting time trying tho’! Had two real & two virtual men tho’ none from this planet! It started & ended with mobile phone willy pictures…..

January saw the start of me receiving naughty pictures of someone’s willy on my mobile over the next few months – nicknamed him Mobi Dick – & resigned myself to the fact that maybe that’s all I could attract this year… however he got caught & arrested & they stopped….so thought I’d try the dating agency again – met Andy – advertised himself as fit, attractive & sporty – this was short-lived – turned out ‘Lardy arse’ was less than honest in his description & a control freak – tried to stop me watching reality TV – it was more ‘real’ than he was!...

Then there was Peter – bless – after I’d helped him lay his (very long) hedge, fix his mom’s conservatory roof, tidy his mom’s garden & drove it all to the dump, I had a ‘ping’ moment – I was his Tuesday & Thursday skivvie, so…..dumped him, not before I’d given him a list of local workmen (I’m not that harsh y’see!) I should have known better when my first (and only) gift was a book on ‘How to kick the chocolate habit’ – what is it with these men who want to change us middle aged women?? So it was back to computer land and I find an ex from 1984 on Facebook!! We chatted on line and exchange texts, & then (a now very!) distant cousin (also on Facebook) coyly admitted that they had been exchanging titillating mobile messages – & she got scared after he started sending pics of his willy – so y’see – either I’m out of touch with this weird modern world or still remain a ‘Knob head’ magnet -literally! Answers on a postcard please… I know that Men are from Mars and Women from Venus…. but the ones I attract seem to be on a space ship orbiting both?

I’m into recycling big time now – I have got myself a wormery and a butt – water that is – though from the pic above left you can see I seem to be acquiring the other variety nicely thank you….
It was mom’s turn to give us a scare this year – back in April got admitted with a suspected DVT – turned out it wasn’t (phew!) but not before she’d spent a week being shoved from pillar to post, sometimes without a bed to lie in –Sometimes she got no food because she was ‘in the wrong part of the ward??’ then when she did it was served on a dressing trolley – see pic left - which doubled as a linen trolley too! Ashamed that it was the hospital where I trained – but seems to be the norm these days. She pretty much discharged herself a week later – you really wouldn’t believe the stuff that went on – or maybe you would?

Talking of the NHS, I am still hard at it trying to stay sane in the ever sillier world of Risk Managing and Health & Safety…. I have been doing clinical shifts to keep my hand in and loving that side of things – not so much enjoying the desk jockey side of things – targets/government bureaucracy/boxes to tick etc. I have found I am using one word a lot more than ever this year – and that is ‘Bollox’! It’s a lovely tension relieving word tho’ when said with feeling! Unfortunately my managers have not quite got the same sense of humour as me, and I am currently being admonished for my sometimes ‘aggressive and cynical’ approach……so y’see those of you who haven’t seen me in a while now know I haven’t changed, however my managers are keen to send me somewhere to change me it seems? Any ideas folks?

The year was pleasantly hectic too – I hit 46, waaaay over middle age really…. Alex turned 18 & is working hard at B’ham Conservatoire. (Vheck out her 18th birthday tribute back in July's Blogs). She invited me to her A’ level recital & told me I was to wear purple as that was the theme - I looked great in my rambling fleece while everyone else was in evening wear!!! Thanks Alex! Philip is also still doing well – mom and I went to see him in concert at the newly refurb’ed Town Hall this week. SPICE pals Andy & Bex/Gerri & Jane got married – I did the wedding cake for G & J. Sean & Sue had Emily. Kiwis Rich & Manda also produced - Claudia – a sister for Sam & Lucia, who I shall be meeting in January. I got struck by a thunderbolt in July (thought I’d throw that in to see if you were still awake). Fortunately only killed the house alarm & computer – I was out at the time walking in Belbroughton watching the storm over Birmingham from the hills! I’ve done loads of fun things too – including Dhol drumming & Morris Dancing – see the April 25th Blog - with my friend’s hubbie Dave (I called him ‘Morris’ for years!), and loads more pics. I have done loads more walking & spent a few weekends away – Ullswater, Lee Bay & Minehead walking – getting fit for my Exodus trip in January (thanks mom & dad) in New Zealand for 23 days then 7 days with my Kiwi pals – can’t wait!

If it's your first time checking this out after your Crimbo card, jus to let you know I’m also on Facebook – the weird Ex’s willy hasn’t put me off and am in touch with lots of old friends – including the raft guide from my 1994 trip down the Zambezi would you believe!!

Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and that 2008 is a good year for you all and your families and nearest and dearest.
Love from Kimmie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Blah Blah Blah Bah Humbug :-/

Hi Friday peops

Sorry you missed me last week – and thank you for the 0.05% of the TGIF crowd checking to see whether I was still alive – indeed, thank you Herty boy and Steve!

In fact I had a bummer of a sore throat – three bloody weeks now - and so couldn’t use the keyboard - you know how it is!

Truth be told I was reading through some of the annual Xmas newsletters I get and fell asleep….. much like I guess the poor sods who receive mine will do!! I’ll be posting a copy on the Blog over the weekend…..zzzzz. Actually it was quite good fun condensing a year into one side of A4 – unlike one of my old friends who managed to fill two sides of A4 with kids, chicken pox, 6 year old birthday parties, swimming badges, farm visits, monthly weather forecasts, incoming tide stories, and Grandpa’s successful operation – flitting between it being in the third and first person! Thank goodness they had a new printer which they hadn't sussed out yet, so I didn’t get the usual photo collage of the exciting growth spurts that they have experienced! Thank you Jean for yours – succinct and happy news plus a hot pot recipe – my kind of newsletter - welcome to TGIF land!! Karen – how are the boys – a sentence is not good enough…. :-) kidding – good to know you are still out there!

So because I didn’t have a better response, I shall waffle on until my sore throat stops my fingers working!

Last Monday I spent the evening drinking Numpts under the settee – well not quite under – as it was a tussle with Ben (pooch) about who could spread the furthest on it – and I have the bruises (3) to prove it – God I’m starting to sound like that bloody newsletter!

Then, Tuesday was spent in Worcester Christmas shopping – we filled four carriers in the first two shops (well, one of them was an old fashioned sweetie shop!!) The ‘boy’ behind the counter probably wasn’t even born when half these sweets he was selling were invented! Every shop we went into had different style Xmas deer ornaments – so I’d start “Oh deer…” and Numpts would see a whole herd clustered on a shelf and would be saying “Oh deer deer deer…” then I noticed how bloody expensive they were, and I said “this is a dear deer” and she said “there’s a dearer deer ere.” Maybe you had to be there? I was exhausted that night – the excitement I think – I’ve not done ‘Park & Ride’ (not ‘Ring and Ride’ – not yet anyway!) It was great leaving the car behind and at the end of a long day heading back and realising maybe it wasn’t such a good idea Numpts driving her MG – we might have had more boot in my pink thing… Just have a look at this amazing place!! The sky was bettert han chicken licken days.... the posh worcester people at the Park and Ride were quietly musing that Numpts was accompanying me on day release I think!

Went to see Phil play with the Schools Orchestra at Brum Town Hall with mom – excellent – and Friday eve spent catching up with old junior school pal Joy for a curry. It’s great at Crimbo catching up – except I was so knackered after coughing for the last two weeks that I think Charlie had enough last night with our annual Yule catch up! Sorry Charlie - let's meet in the spring next time when I'm still bushy tailed! Well done on your new job too!

Last Saturday night was fab – at the Burlington – poshed up with the SPICE crowd – we had a smashing table – Mike was an excellent host – and thanks to one really ugly bugger the rest of us girls looked great ;-) we missed Jane tho – so me and Jane shall be giving it large on new years eve instead! We danced and danced and I did my usual impression of Mrs Overall all day Sunday! I’m too old for this stuff :-(

I must have been drunk tho – I was there…..’Kimbo akimbo’ giving it “oops upside your head…”:-( .............see the pics....

So this week has been full of pink hand-bag cake for Claire – happy birthday for the weekend!

She happened to praise my cakes on Facebook, and always one to respond to compliments I offered to make one for her birthday not realising it was the week before Christmas, so everything in the house is now covered in a layer of pink icing dust – floor, tree, me, etc etc, There are Xmas presents, wrapping and New Zealand kit strewn across the house! I lost my purse for 3 days and found it in with the bird feed in the sun lounge!? (as you do)… then Clare at work made me a Xmas pudding which I also lost for two days – then found it in the car…. So Sarah there is something in the air – glad you found your mobi!

Hope you and yours have a fabulous Yule – there will hopefully be one more TGIF before I head down under for the month on Jan 5th to New Zealand – yeeeehaaaaaa!

So it may be quiet for a while unless I manage to get on the Blog and keep you updated?

Take care now folks

Love from Kimmie x

My impression of four of the seven dwarves...........

Hi peops,

I’m late sending this out again cos I’m not well………..I guess I asked for it – after taking the Michael out of all the boys I know who have been suffering with ‘Man flu’ – and sending the cheeky ‘Man flu’ video on Facebook…..it’s my destiny - but I want you boys to know that this isn’t just ANY cold, this is an M & S cold – miserable and snotty – it has affected my tonsils and so makes yawning painful – so probably it’s a good job I’m not going out with any of the boring farts I usually pick up cos it’d be right painful at the moment ;-)

So….the impression of Dopey, Sneezy, Sleepy and Grumpy are pretty good – shame I’m not on the Royal Variety show tonight – don’t forget to look out for Little Howard.. if you pick this up in time.

Anyway, I know you’re dying to hear about the exciting week I’ve had. I did my radio interview at the beginning of the week - thankfully I didn’t sound like this – all hoarse – neigh neigh and thrice neigh……….. I felt afterwards I said a lot of ‘erms’ but Waseem’s son Khi is too polite to erm… say anything. So I’m hoping I’ll get a slot now on Parkinson’s last show…..

Work wise I am still managing to keep my counsel, however the BIG Boss returns from holiday this week so that should be interesting…. Place your bets ladies and gentlemen…. Can she hold out? I did really well - only one big Trust meeting this week, and I was 5 minutes late – and you know when everyone glares at you, and then the Chair commented that some people had indicated that they didn’t know me, so as I squeezed in to the already full table, zipping my bag open zzzzzzzzip, zzzzzzzzzzzzzip, zzzzzzzip, and sat down, I had to listen to everyone introducing themselves – I always get a mental picture of ‘Blind Date’…. “Hello Number One, what’s your name and where do you come from?....” and after listening to all the names and ever more imaginative NHS job titles, I popped my glasses on as I introduced myself and couldn’t see a bloody thing – one of the lenses had popped out – and I’m not sure whether that has ever happened to any of you – but it’s impossible to see anything – so while I’m looking round at everyone and telling them my name and job title, I’m winking each eye in turn and frowning at them all – fabulous first impression – guess my Boss is right – I am indeed destined to stay on the middle rung of the eternal career ladder – am I bovered?

As I write this, I only have 26 days, 18 hours, 20 minutes and 58 seconds until my state visit to New Zealand. I guess the press will be waiting for me at the airport – especially if they get wind of my radio interview….. hope you’re all OK and getting into the festive spirit, or just the spirit at any rate!

Till next week………..

Kimmie x

A man with flu is talking on the phone (all sweaty and red-eyed)
Three weeks!!! The doctor can see me only in three weeks?!!! By that time I can be dead!!!
A calm voice on the other end: - In this case, have you wife call us and cancel the appointment.

Loyal variety thoughts.....

Hiya weekend peops

Couldn’t be bovered on Friday night – you know how it is – I am soooo tired -) ……so here is a belated TGIF!

Yup - three weeks to go and I’m seriously needing to get into festive spirit methinks - this burning the candle at both ends really doesn’t work for me any more – unless it’s thermo-auricular therapy….. of course ;-)

Last weekend’s steamy ramble with Gary was great – really blew the cobwebs out – got to ride the choo choo and yomp through very muddy fields for 10 miles – I was around 6 foot tall by the end of it – mud sticks – as they say ;-)

Then I’m, afraid I have been out twice in the week – and as some of you know when you get to this age that this sort of behaviour cannot be tolerated as it wipes you out for a fortnight, so sproglets be warned….

Tuesday night - brilliaaaaaant - with Pat & Clive – Comedy Club – Howard Read played with his Little Howard – follow the links - apparently he’s playing the Royal Variety show tomorrow night so was testing his repertoire on us – he was excellent – as per – and just the tonic to see me through the rest of my week at work. Look out for it in December – I'll remind you - it’s really unique and clever comedy.

Then Thursday night went with Jane and a bunch of other SPICERs to see Roy Wood at the Jam House …. just to see my baby jive……YAY….and stayed up past the witching hour and think I am still suffering – knees and feet have recovered and bags under eyes are shrinking gradually…. He was brilliant though – still got a great stage presence – fab venue too.

So it was with much relief that an invitation to Issie’s mom and dad’s Golden Wedding anniversary do was for the afternoon yesterday…. phew! I’d spent the week lovingly making their cake – then sweating all the way through their do – hoping it was edible – it was – phew again!


I felt quite honoured – as I’m not ‘family’ – though in these days of extended families, Issie’s sister – ‘Auntie Helen’ has discovered she is distantly related to the guy she is seeing – so maybe I am a third cousin twice removed – I know I’ve had something removed this weekend!

Issie and Rob have been loyal friends (yes I have a handful) – mind you – not sure they will be after they’ve read this?

It was great fun – like a fly on the wall docu-soap :-D.

Alex and Flips’ cousins - picture a bunch of kids and teenagers – blasting from front to back of the house like whirling dervishes - a ‘Kevin and Perry’, a ‘Chuckie’ (who hadn’t taken his Ritalin) breaking the legs off antique dolls and walking round giggling sinister-like, a little China doll of a 3 year old (who thankfully Chuckie didn’t try and break the legs off…), and her slightly bigger brother - 'road runner', then our very own Tasmin Little (girlie Yehudi - Alex) played a little number on the violin which we then bluetoothed to each other (oh these modern times….), a pretty little Rock Chick cadged fags off the grown ups, and Flips trying to watch the Barbarians in the corner of the room – soon a crowd of men and boys stood strong together! Aunty Helen caused a bit of a stir when she gave ‘Kevin’ an unprovoked wedgie cos his jeans were hanging below his kegs – his baseball hat and facial piercings sort of spun on the spot :-D (Kids fashions eh – and they laugh at our 70’s photos - pah! What’s all that about?)

Seriously though – what an amazing feat to get all the family together – they were a great bunch and made me feel very welcome.
Shame we don’t get together like that now in our gang! It would end up on News at Ten – there would be outrage and violence in the streets calling for all my politically incorrect Uncles, Aunties, cousins and me to be lashed - let alone a Docu soap!

Anyway, off to catch 40 winks so I can last out till the Strictly Dancing results!

I’m being interviewed for a top radio station tomorrow night – I’m hoping to be discovered – it’ll probably be edited down to “Hello….” And “Thank-you” – will keep you posted ;-)

Loves ya

Kimmie x

Herty Boy – glad to hear that your ‘Too Loose’ trip (and it was wasn’t it??) ended up OK! Sharpie & Junie – did you manage to smuggle Jamie Oliver into your bag and bring him home?

Golden Wedding Anniversary
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquillity had long been the talk of the town.
A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man.
"We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom on the canyon by pack mule. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled.
My wife quietly said, 'That's once.'
"We proceeded a little further and the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.'
"We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled the third time.
My wife quietly removed a revolver from her pocket and shot the mule dead.
"I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said, 'That's once'."

I'm a .... get me outta here....

Yo Friday peops

Not going to mention my (I think it’s becoming annual?) sad “I’m a…. get me outta here” people watching in the jungle – because I know some of you consider it tasteless and banal, however I’m finding the characters soooooo fascinating – the loud mouth wannabees – who you initially hate but come to love and respect because they speak their minds and are open and honest, however seemingly politically incorrect, then there are the sinister crafty gits who load the gun for someone else to fire the bullets – and why are they always short, fat, ugly and weird ;-) ? Then there are the quiet young ones, who are just watching bemused by it all – and hoping they don’t become like the older pillocks…………… anyway enough about work – has anyone been watching Ant & Dec? :-D

Don’t I just know it’s a full moon week – people are all over the shop /weather is all over the shop – 4” of snow last weekend (see pics of my garding... aaaaahhhhh :-),





then the freezing weather burst Hillarie’s pipes – well not Hillarie’s as such – just a big 43” water main - she and her posh neighbours in Edgbaaaarston had “A river runs through it” moment – and indeed there was a short film made – ..... and Hils and her sis who was visiting only knew they were under water when their mom phoned to ask what was happening as she’d seen it on the news! Bless! Follow the link so you can see one of the proud neighbours posing – apparently Hils says if we get down there fast this weekend there is loads of gravel for the taking!

Humungus thanks to Numpty, Sarah B, mommy, Stella, Claire W & Margaret (wow the babysitting sounded exciting!) for the wine/counselling and reality check e-mails/phone calls this week – am off now to watch reality TV jungle – though (yes H') I think it’s all a fix this year - and then am heading off for a ramble with Gazza this weekend in Gloucester – on a steam train – where, believe me – I’ll be letting some off!

Bye for now – few personal messages - cos I can’t be arsed to phone you – well done to Sarah B for escaping down the tunnel to a new workplace that treats you like gold dust – long may it continue…. Well done Charlie for getting a promo – remember me when you need a Band 5 PA, hello Kiwis – a parcel is on it’s way – which may not get through customs due to the description on the label - let’s see eh? Herty boy – are you ok – I’ve missed you? Loose and Manda – see you Tuesday at Cheeky Monkey – Clive? Jane – see you at Jam House Thursday J with Roy Wood. Andy – did you & Bex beat the weather in Wales? Ndaba – you down the mine and out of range or something?

It’s nearly the weekend – get me outta here….

Have a fab one folks :-)

Kimmie x

Thought I’d share this Blog chat I received from Paul Foot’s site (link on my Facebook profile):

Strapped for cash? Got a child?

Then register for child benefit.Simply hand over your banking details to your local benefit (fraud) office to receive the money.

Please do not read the following small print, if you value your health:

1. You understand that your personal details will be held on a secure government computer and will not be read by junior civil servants, asthey’ll be using the computer mainly for Facebook and video games.

2. You warrant that, if the data is transferred, it will be placed in a secure Jiffy bag, marked “Sensitive information relating to half the UK population – do not steal.” Also, valuable taxpayers’ money will be saved by not sending the package by registered post.

3. You agree to your personal details and those of your children being shared with other government departments; as well as Kevin the dodgy courier, Thelma Thief and Paddy Pervert.

4. If your details should go missing, you will help the Government look for the disc down the back of the sofa, in lay-bys and amongst your associates in the criminal underworld.

Brown Bread saga continues....Do 100 lines - Must do better!!

Hello Friday peops

A rollercoaster of a week – the brown bread e-mail saga continues to haunt me – doh! (dough… get it?)……….and allegedly had a career-limiting effect ;-) .. blimey - so I was going somewhere then?

Who’d have thought that brown bread had such mighty powers?
Mr Warburton probably ;-)

So begins the tale of my highs and lows – Tuesday – panic amongst the troops when they hear through the jungle drums (internal memo) that something "big" has gone down and so the troops e-mail Auntie Kim, the fountain of all knowledge to seek guidance and reassurance, however I cannot offer any – as I have no idea what they fret about as I was missed off the memo…. and thus sadly cannot shed any light and calm my poor panicked troops, so I respond….with what may have effectively become my letter of notice…..with words to the effect………

“ Dear troops,

Thank you for bringing this to my attention - unfortunately I know nothing about this internal memo rergarding the security scare, blah blah blah blah…..

However, on a positive note, I did receive the global memo that we now have brown bread available in the WRVS shop, and so am reassured that some essential mail is getting through……..”

It was very useful as a learning opportunity when on Thursday a Trust Senior Manager informed me that the content of my response to the troops was “rude, undermining, flippant, and facetious" (or RUFF for short...) – and I guess the reason he took me aside and spoke to me rather than send an e-mail was that ‘facetious’ probably wasn’t coming up on spell check – indeed the slow and somewhat painful delivery of 'said word' told me he was having trouble getting his tongue around it anyway….. :-)

I indeed accept that I am having difficulty separating humour from sarcasm, however I think this is an inherent problem with anyone who works for the public sector, and if you can’t laugh at yourself and the situation you find yourself in – then it’s time to move on…… which is why today I have accepted the kind offer of further training (at some minor cost to you taxpayers) to improve on my aggressive approach – so you’ll all be pleased to know that I shall be turning over a new leaf …… will I Bollox!?

Anyway, thank you to all those who have e-mailed me since with offers of cleaning jobs in your various organisations – I am going to spend the weekend considering them, and get back to you in my usual anal order if that’s OK?

On a positive note, as it is always good to end on one if possible, I had a great night out last night with the girlies from work watching some Broadway Blockbuster snippets in an 'Am Dram' production, and were the youngest in the auditorium – it was fun sitting with the Saga ‘night-outers’ – clapping along to some gutsy numbers including some apt ones which somehow added closure for me…. those that stick in my mind are ‘The point of no return’ (from Phantom) and Mr Cellophane (from Chicago)………… follow the hyperlink -the lyrics are so good :-)

Anyway I might sound low but I’m really laughing at the madness of it all – and the two glasses of wine I had with Stella after work have started my weekend nicely (happy birthday Stella!!!)

Have a fab weekend folks – Rich/Manda – thanks for your lovely letter to mom and dad and the photos of the sproglets - made their day :-) They are also glad you like your Christmas present and are keen that you hang on to it for as long as you like!! 51 days and counting……

Miss Cellophane :-) x

PS Couldn’t resist sharing another “rude, undermining, flippant and facetious e-mail” that Nessa sent – thanks Nessa - it was allegedly a genuine complaint - and the sarcasm is quite subtle - you might even miss it....... ;-) Follow this hyperlink - Sarcastic e-mail

Pianists playing, blue sky thinking & brown bread bollox!

Hiya Friday peops

Been burning the candle at both ends – yes – two nights out this week so will keep this short as I’m a tired ol’ girl :-)

Last week’s bimble round Acton Trussell was very nice – yes one of those moments - feeling like a teenager again – only cos the walk leader treats us like kids – “SINGLE FILE, DON ‘T TREAD ON THE GRASS – IT’S A CROP!” sort of stuff…..I’m tempted to put big woolly mitts tied with a piece of string through my jacket and pin a list of instructions to my lapel – like “Do not feed her E numbers for lunch – she will go for your jugular….”

Last night I sat and chilled listening to Einaudi at Warwick arts Centre, and tonight I went to town to say goodbye to one of our lovely administrative staff Sarah, who is off to work for a real organisation….. I drove in cos it’s Diwali – and getting a taxi is a nightmare!

This week at work we’ve had an ‘Away Day’ with lots of blue sky thinking… which was of course ‘outside the box’, not working in silos, raising the bar, lean thinking – and to be honest I feel all bottomed out……..so I’ve been doing a lot of ‘activity deficit substitution’ (aka looking busy). Mind you, I’m pleased to bring you some breaking good news in times of NHS cutbacks, and news of us starving patients – we had a global e-mail announcing, (and this was real….. )

“John has asked me to inform you all that toast made with brown bread, as well as white bread, will be available from Monday onwards at the WRVS.”

Evidence, indeed, if any was needed, that we are constantly striving for better NHS provision……………….

Have a fab weekend

Kimmie x

Numpty has sent something similar before, but after today I shall be trying some………….

10 tips to liven up a meeting....

1 Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the 'real' reason this meeting has been called.
2 Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table.
3 During a meeting, each time the boss makes an important point, (or at least one he/she seems to consider important), make a little noise like you are building up to an orgasm.
4 Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming.
5 Give a broad wink to someone else at the table. In time, wink at everyone. Sometimes shake your head just a little, as if to indicate that the speaker is slightly crazy and everybody knows it. 6 Arrange to have a poorly-dressed young woman with an infant quietly enter the meeting, stare directly at the (male) speaker for a while, burst into tears, then leave the room.
7 Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal. Ask it to clarify difficult points.
8 When there is a call for questions, lean back in your chair, prop your feet up on the table, smile contentedly, and say, "Well, here's the way I see it, J.B..." (or any other impressive-sounding initials that are not actually your boss's.)
9 Complain loudly that your neighbour won't stop touching you. Demand that the boss make him/her stop doing it.
10 Bring a small mountain of computer printouts to the meeting. If possible, include some old-fashioned fanfold paper for dramatic effect. Every time the speaker makes a point, pretend to check it in one of the printouts. Pretend to find substantiating evidence there. Nod vigorously, and say "uh-huh, uh-huh!"

Hallowe'en trick or treat revenge :-O

Hi Friday peops

Busy week for the ASBOs eh? I loved the look on their :-O Hallowe'en ‘scream masks’ when they came knocking on my door – and I laughed like a hyena and helped myself out of their ‘treat bag’ – bet that was a first for them – well, I’d had a bad day at work and needed chocolate!

I have decided that this week the message I have received loud and clear is that being politically incorrect is the new ‘correct’ – Jeremy Clarkson won a TV award this week – and let’s face it he’s brilliantly ‘Un-PC’, and I think I started my new movement after Tuesday’s comedy club where Pat kindly lent me Clive again for the night and there was a brilliant comedian called Rudi Lickwood – look out for him – he was well good man – wicked smile – gappy toothed giggly Eddie Murphy look – but much funnier than him - and some wickedly contentious topics – which always go down well with the discerning crowd at Cheeky Monkey. Go to this MySpace link for a quick peek.

I’m off to Acton Trussell tomorrow – because I can :-)
Happy weekend folks

Kimmie x

Found these on JDR’s Liff Collection (follow link) – see Acton Trussell :-)


Introduction;- The basic idea behind the “Meaning of Liff” books, by Douglas Adams and John Lloyd, was to use place-names as the basis of dictionary-style definitions that describe objects or situations that had previously had no name. Adams et al used place names from all over the world, I’ve only used British ones so far.

--------- A ---------
Aberlemno (n.) The little shelf on a Wimbledon umpire's stepladder used for holding soft drinks.
Abernant (vb.) Absolutely refusing to admit that it was you who was seen on holiday in Rhyl.
Abertillery (n.) Highly unsuccessful medieval Welsh military machines which fired high-velocity leeks and entirely failed to bring down the walls of Caernarfon castle.
Acharacle (n.) The sound of someone having a really good scratch.
Achnacloich (vb.) A panic-stricken lunge to knock off the spider that has just been spotted in the Achnaha (q.v.).
Achnagarron (n.) The feeling of horror upon realising that the Achnacloich (q.v.) has only succeeded in sending the spider scurrying for cover into your nether-garments.
Achnaha (vb.) To suddenly notice the large hairy spider that has been crawling up your leg or constructing a web between your knees.
Acton Trussel (n. archaic) A close friend to whom a Knight bound for the Crusades would entrust the keys to his wife's chastity belt. A large percentage of the British population are thought to be direct descendents of Acton Trussels.
Adbolton (n.) A patch that you have to download from the Internet in order to make a program actually do what it said it would do on the box.

Hello darkness my old friend it's end of British Summer Time again

Hi there Friday peops

Sod the Sad!

Health & Safety have featured highly again this week……sad but true it’s “European Week for Health & Safety at Work 2007” :-/

”Hello darkness my old friend……” – yes, ‘British Summertime’ officially ends this weekend…..personally I think it was some time back in April myself…. and the clocks go back an hour – so we can save daylight – how does that work when all we do is lop an hour from the evening and move it to the morning for a bit – so it’s the same amount? …..it’s William Willett’s fault – he started it all in 1907 so we’ve been at it for a whole century now - apparently if we adopted Central European time we’d get a later sunrise in winter and outdoor workers would be “particularly affected” as would the Northerners and Scots – so sod us SAD people in central England – with a Scot in charge of the rules now, we’ve no hope! The good news though is that next week the clocks in all the offices at work will be right again cos they were never moved forward in the Spring :-)

I was climbing the indoor wall at Moseley again on Tuesday night – three very wobbly trips to the ceiling – wobbly cos those harnesses didn’t do much for my cheeks – and yes my bum did look big… the boys looked impressive tho’…… ;-P - and when I was lowered I was wobbling all over like Acorn Antiques’ Mrs Overall – every muscle dancing to it’s own tune – and still are three days later! This year Health & Safety have issued guidance on ‘Working from Heights’ for cavers and climbers….building on their 2005 work with steeplejacks and window cleaners - you can just imagine our beautiful crags littered with red triangular warning signs and air cushions at the base of Scafell Pike!

I’m off walking in the Malverns tomorrow –Gary will of course have done a full risk assessment on the hazards - ie lack of pubs or tea rooms, lack of decent totty to chat to and of course if it is drizzling the issue of the carefully applied mascara running down the boys’ faces……………

Well – better go now – this one’s for Numpty
PS Well done Floribunda – your Bok Boys did you proud! Thanks for my weight watchers Pork and mush stroganoff on Wednesday Issie – it has counterbalanced the amazing amount of chocolate I’ve put away this week – my winter comfort eating has started early this year :-D

Have a fab weekend folks

Kimmie x

October 21st was Trafalgar Day…….. long one but apt - go to this joke link - Trafalgar – Health & Safety guidelines for what would have happened if Nelson had to follow Health & Safety rules......

Bollox Bolloxius Bolloxum zero tolerance zone

Hello Friday peops

Bollox Bolloxius Bolloxum – my favourite word of the week. Ms Zero Tolerance here….. Lots of ups and downs - and knock downs, however have ended the week on a high note – having knocked someone over – now I know it’s not politically correct to be pleased about something like that, but it did cheer me up after the middle bit of the week was rather full of Bollox! More of that at the end…

Last weekend the lovely Ken celebrated his double 25th birthday and was well chuffed with his surprise cake (see pics) which I lovingly made and Gary contributed towards – so we had a nice pub dinner after a lovely sunny walk round Snowshill – with fab people!

We had a real belly laugh – at the expense of a MCP – the first of many to talk Bollox this week…… it became apparent that one of the guys was using his girlfriend as his Sherpa for the day, much to Martin’s dismay who spent the whole day trying to figure out how he could persuade one of us girlies to do it for him next time – so imagine the response when Martin (tongue in cheek) asked Mr MCP for advice – and he oinked, sorry, responded with “Well, you don’t have a dog, and…..b…. “ :-O .... before he could finish his sentence, there were 45 pairs of eyes drilling holes through his thick pig skin – tee hee…….

Tuesday - spent the day on a split shift with a lovely nurse called Ann, bombing round the north of Birmingham scooping people out of bed, bathing, showering, shovelling food down them, sitting them out in comfy chairs, before another team went round, I think about 30 minutes behind us – judging by the amount of cars we kept passing with other nurses from the same team!.....scooping them all up again and putting them back to bed! In the evening then went with the lovely Clive to the Comedy Club in the evening – to unwind – three brill comedians on…

The rest of the week at work I’ve been a bit of a rebel without a cause, cos as you all know these statistics about the poor and excellent hospitals are also a load of Bollox – the figures are so easily ‘doctored’ – pardon the pun – but hey ho – the hospital where they starved mom, moved her bed into the gangway of the DVT clinic and gave her a dressing trolley to eat off got a ‘good’ so that’s alright then!

Needless to say when I was told to behave today because ‘someone important’ was coming round, I used my favourite word of the week again to my Boss – ‘Bollox’ in this instance could be seen as a bit of a career limiting word – am I bovered? NO! Thing is, that implies that I don’t behave the rest of the time – and those of you who know me know that what you see is what you get, so after a long day of ‘behaving’, and trying to sort out the usual Friday pile of Bollox, I get a phone call five minutes before I leave work from someone who thinks they are important at Trust to ask for something they should have chased in March, and the deadline for this information is 5 o’clock today – oh dear, what a shame – and all those mummies who have gone home early to put their kids on E-bay for half-term are not to be found – and the mummies have the answers… so I suddenly find the phone line breaking up…. and I leopard crawled out of the building to the car park, camouflaged with the thick skin of a typical NHS middle manager, and went shopping in Kings Heath….. this is where I knocked someone over – well to be more precise he knocked himself over – and I still don’t really know how I stayed upright – but think it was a force field of bolloxum energies…

A trio of teenage ASBO cyclists were giving it the old BMX ‘Red Arrow formation’ wheelie jobbies along the pavement, so I sneered at the first one as he brushed my side, which in hindsight was a bit silly as it made the second in command rather cross - so he steered towards me with a steely look in his eye, locked onto his target :-O and then suddenly glanced off my right knee?!? spirals off to my right in a rather spectacular nose dive crashing onto the pavement, sadly all organs were intact :-( so when Red ASBO three braked in front of my now puffed out chest – he knew better and peeled off to the left – the passengers on the No. 45 enjoying a free show – and me – I was left standing with a tyre mark up my winter weight Nora Batties!! Now, come on – who amongst you feel like me - a sense of smug satisfaction when these silly little boys learn not to mess with us middle age urban warriors?!? :-D

Have a fab weekend folks – I’m off deer watching tomorrow – I’ll probably end up rutting knowing the mood I’m in :-)

Kimmie x

A man was cycling fast down a narrow, twisting, mountain road. A woman was driving very slowly uphill, honking her horn and shouting at him: "PIG! PIG!!". He flipped her the finger and shouted back "BITCH! COW!!". Then he collided with the pig!

Bridget Jones tries to join the circus

Yo Friday peops

Hope you have all had a good week – as per… it has been weird and wonderful.

Tuesday night I went with Pat’s Clive and a couple of pals from work to our local Pub Comedy club – the Cheeky Monkey - three ‘turns’ – first good, middle bombed, but the top act was Mandy Knight– fab! I got called 'Sir' so will wear a skirt next week.....

Loved her singledom put downs – and could so relate to her wonderful one liners …..like…. when you are at family weddings – and the old aunts come up and say to you in that usual patronising manner “Don’t worry love … you’ll be next ….” while pinching your cheeks….. her idea of revenge ….. and I WILL be using it.... is to do the same to them at family funerals – God knows we have enough of them – so it wont be long before I can try that one out!

Last night I took the old uns to Cirque du Soleil’s ‘Delirium’ show – it was their 47th anniversary present plus Christmas present ….. it was absolutely amazing – the special effects and acrobatics were exquisite… I was quite taken with the very large African drummers as well – they didn’t just have six packs – they had crates!

Mind you, I was sort of hoping they might get the bug and run away and join the circus, but alas, I noticed when I drove out of the car park at high speed, they had managed to hang on to the bumpers and door handles so I pulled over so they didn’t mess up the paintwork.

I was naughty tonight and called Kiwi land and started to ask them in my poshest English accent – yes Sharpie I do have one…..about how they feel about English people visiting their homeland…. and Rich (tut tut) starts to make excuses about bathing the baby – well, now I know that was lies cos 20 minutes later I get a fabulous photo of the kiddlings all fully dressed – see the pic here..... amazing what Rich managed while chatting to me on the phone at the same time eh!!! :-D Laugh!!!!! It was soooo good to hear those accents again.

Lucia told me all about her party skirt and hair ribbons, Sam told me that when he was born he was just a baby (I bet Manda was relieved about that!) and that he was going to play with Scott and Manda tells me me they might even have a roof on their house by the time I get there – so all good stuff!! Apparently there is one builder Manda says would suit – and she has taste cos she has Rich – so I’m not too worried if it’s not finished - I might just take a hard hat and get plastered ;-)


Anyway – must dash – bath is getting cold and wine is getting warm…. off to the Cotswolds tomorrow to celebrate the lovely Ken’s 50th – before coming home to watch the rugby – Rich, I’m sorry your boys are out – cos some of them have lovely thighs…..but I’m really watching it so I can see the ‘Cave man’ – I know I should be supporting England, and I still wont be buying their apples .. but ;-)……………………………………..

Kimmie x

Found this on t’internet –it really helped me understand rugby….

THE FORWARDS
There are eight forwards: They take part in scrums, lineouts, rucks, and mauls - essentially everything that is meaningful in the game. The close physical work necessary for the forwards engenders a sense of comradeship not shared by the prancing, self-centered and effeminate backs. The game has evolved, thank goodness, with multi-phase possession allowing the forwards to demonstrate their running ability with the ball.

Props and Hookers: The front row is the cauldron, the foundation for all good rugby play. The front row is noted for their power and good looks, like no necks, battered ears, and S-shaped noses. Such players are noted for their intelligence and longevity well into their forties.

Second Row: The second row is the engine room where the power flows. The second row - or lock forward - is tall, with plenty of leverage strength in the legs. He must be productive in the lineouts as a jumper or supporter. Mobility is added plus. The second row is much appreciated by the front row for their power in the scrummage but they are generally not as good looking as the front row.

The loose forwards: The loose forwards include the #8 and the flankers. The loose forwards are respected by the front row for their mobility, fitness, defense and support work. The loosey must have tremendous fitness and ball fetching instincts which are not completely understood or trusted by the props and hooker, who are perfectly content to scrummage all day for the ball.

The Scrum-half: The little scrum half provides the ball to the backs when the forwards are damn well ready for the strutting backs to knock it forward. The forwards have grudging respect for the scrum-half because he trys hard and is not afraid to get dirty with the rest of the scrummies. The wise scrum-half will drink and buy beers for the scrummies to maintain his favored position with the forwards.

THE BACKS
The FlyhalfIt is rumored that the Fly has the best vision, hands, kicking ability, and overall tactical decision making ability on the side. The forwards do not understand or trust this individual. The hard-working scrummies generally expect and anticipate a knock forward from the fly so they can have the pleasure of another scrum-down.

The Centers: These hombres are supposed to be deadly tacklers, with strong running instincts and good hands. Alas, the centers are lumped in there with the prancing flyhalf. If the fly doesn't knock on, surely one of the centers will muff it up so the scrummies can experience the joy and satisfaction of another scrum-down.

The Fullback and Wingers: These guys may as well be from Mars. They are allegedly fast with excellent striking ability. They are supposed to score lots of trys, catch the high ball, and counter attack with flair. But the stark reality (well understood by the forwards) is that the fullback and wingers prance and preen more than the inside backs. They don't get dirty and are always playing with their hair and pulling on their collars. In fact their sexual orientation has been called into question on numerous occasions. Some props think fullbacks and wingers are "real purdy."

Toad and Mole, and Ratty and his friend....

Hello Friday peops

A day late because I had a posh guest last night from Solihull – Sharpie and I had a girlie sleepover – rather a nice (hic!) end to the week, so I thought I would share with you some of the rather decadent things we did together, though I know it’s wrong to show off, but just so you can see that posh people from Solihull can still have a wonderful time in St.Irchley :-)



Even Sharpie was amazed at some of the posh things I managed to arrange at short notice – y’see I was meant to be going to Solihull but one of the seven dwarves – Sneezy (ie Junie!) was too contagious so Happy and Dopey had a fab time at my humble abode instead.

As the sun set and the gentle breeze blew the Acers and grasses, and our glasses were charged with some chilled Gerwurtz….you could have imagined you were anywhere except St. Irchley, that is until……. the heady sound of the sirens chasing the ASBO boy racers up the local streets pierced the night air, the neeee-naaaw-neeee-naaaw dulling the birds evensong as they settled down for the night…. but thankfully not dulling the sound of us two birds twittering away and not settling until very very late :-)……. I’ll tell you how late later ……………

Sharpie was amazed at the range of posh activities I had arranged, and though had dressed inappropriately for the occasion in a nice pink twinset and fluffy slippers (see pic), still enjoyed herself. I’d arranged for some beaters to flush out the local wildlife - so 2 rats kept popping up in between the grasses so that Sharpie could aim the gun (well… a repeller) at them – kept us amused for hours. I then arranged for some local gourmet cuisine to be delivered ie a curry from the Bengal Chaa – it didn’t touch the sides – in fact it didn’t touch a plate – I’d given the maid the evening off so we ate out of the foil….we had worked up quite an appetite by this time – with all the excitement of the shooting!

We lit the chiminea – Sharpie, like a woman possessed - was quite defensive when I’d take the poker and try and join in – there was ash and glowing embers dotting the night sky…. we quickly ran out of kindling, so I decided to ‘tidy up’ the pile of Nursing magazines scattered round the sunlounge… whoosh! We’d got a load of candles lit big posh ones - the garden looked quite pretty – and very very bright– lit up like a runway in fact – which might explain why quite a few planes appeared to be diverting from their usual flight path - we did wave… or should that be sway? Sharpie discovered that candle wax also goes up nicely – and was pouring hot liquid wax down the chiminea - though missed her aim a few times and now my hobbit like feet are all smooth :-)

The finale was when the local ASBOs parked up for the night and started letting off fireworks – oh how beautiful that was – think they were celebrating an early Diwali, through the haze of the magazine smoke they looked lovely! Signal to retire…..so after a long long night in front of the blazing fire, shooting the local wildlife, eating heartily and drinking top notch BOGOF wine from the Co-Op, we retired very very late to bed with a cup of cocoa – it was, after all around 8pm!

Hope you are all having a great weekend

Kimmie x

Candle joke:

At the end of the tax year the Tax Office sent an inspector to Audit the books of a Synagogue.
While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"
"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."
"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way:
"What about all these bread -wafer purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question."We collect them and send them back to the manufactures, and every now and then they send us a free box of bread - wafers."
"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the "know - it - all" Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?
"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."

From the Doldrums to the Dhol drums

Hiya Friday peops

I’m back and better – I’m out of the doldrums and into the Dhol drums….more on that later. I’ll keep it brief cos I want to go and watch those Tongan thighs in the rugby :-)

Really was wiped out last weekend and taken me all week to get into the swing at work – which I wont mention much cos it gets more like Dilbert every day! I work really really hard to maintain my Numpty status within the organisation, and think this week I’ve surpassed myself. The only little smiley moment at work was when Nicole came and had lunch with me – and told me tales of her teacher training – I can just picture her in the sandpit pushing all the other kiddlings out! She’s doing well though and passing her tests and stuff – so well done Nicole ;-)

I’ve had a much better time in the real world – and last night went to the MAC last night and bumped into an old school friend Julie - who is part of the TGIF crowd – and was there to ‘feel textiles’…. don’t we do some weird things??

I was there to help out Gurcharan Mall – the smiliest guy you could hope to meet - and I was a Dholi – and yes I’ve spelt it right – tho I know I’m a Dolly too ;-) There were 8 of us and we held our Tili’s and Daga’s and gave it welly! We managed 5 different types of rhythm, and were so good we’ve strung together a tune which we’re hoping to get to Number One in time for Christmas…. They have a website http://www.dholbasters.com/ and you can find some great video clips on Youtube too – Pat get googling! They played Live Aid with UB40 a couple of years ago and Madonna was impressed and they even got ‘Respeck’ from Snoop Dog!! Result :-D
I've also (hopefully posted two videoclips from my mobile phone so you can get a taster - I think they are at the bottom of this blog......

Looking forward to a chilled domestic goddess weekend – loads of cooking – it’s that time of year when the cold has been switched on well and truly here……

Hope you’re all keeping warm – Happy 40th birthday Richard – my fave Kiwi pilot :-) Hope you’re flying high….

Kimmie x

A drummer, tired of being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some "real" musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk, and says "I'll take that red trumpet over there and that accordion." The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies "OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator's got to stay".

Little Johnny: Mommy, when I grow up I want to be a drummer!Mommy: Now Johnny, you can't do both.

Men in subs and bum biting 40 somethings

Hi Folks

Bit late - sorry - were you worried you hadn't heard? Were you heck as like? I was poorly bad on Friday and frenetic (a word I've enjoyed using this week) trying to finish Sue's 40th cake off despite my ailing body! So, feeling better I thought I would catch you up on things - cos I know you're all dying to know.

Last weekend I went to see Numpty (& Dave) who is getting back to her old self gradually, thank goodness. We had a great weekend - they spoiled me rotten to say thank you for 'being there' - took me to a posh pub/restaurant - Queens Head in Stoke Pound - linen napkins - the lot!! Seriously though I have never tasted such exquisite pork - I had one of those Sharon Stone moments :-P

I, in turn was my usual thoughtful self and took a bunch of ornamental cabbages (now she's been down that road - sort of symbolic I thought...) and a carefully chosen card - nuff said.....
My new PC is up and running thanks to the lovely Rowan - who popped round with his gorgeous wife Nicky - he is now sorting me out remotely - how modern is that! It's great having your own personal IT consultant on hand - who (with permission of course!) can take over your mouse and came on my home PC - and sorted me out without having to leave his house?!

Am still chatting (virtually) with my submariner - and yes I've heard all the jokes now - and thought I would post a picture so you can have a look at how gorgeous I was back in 1984 :-D

Yesterday, went on a great walk round Staunton Harold - that's a place not a fat bloke called Harold - and finished off at the Melbourne Arms for a gorgeous curry - thanks Gary!

Then, after spending 6 hours over the course of the week, despite feeling crook, presented Sue's candle lit caricature cake for her 40th, and she kindly thanked me by pointing out that her eyes are in fact green - so the cake was in fact flawed. I offered to poke them out for her, and I don't mean the bloody cake!! It gave me great pleasure when Gary bit her bum - after he'd enjoyed sucking on her finger! (... shame it was only the cake.....!!)

Hope your week is good

Kimmie x

Growing Old

There is this guy who really takes care of his body, he lifts weights and jogs five miles every day. One morning he looks into the mirror and admires his body. he noticed that he is really sun-tanned all over, except his penis, and he decides to do something about it. He goes to the beach, strips completely and buries himself in the sand, except for his penis sticking out of the sand.

Two little old ladies are strolling along the beach and one looks down and says "There is no justice in this world".

The other lady says, "What do you mean?"

The first lady says, "Look at that". When I was 10 Years old I was afraid of it. When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I asked for it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. And now that I'm 80, the damn things are growing wild!

Pink thing gets MOT'd and so do I in Minehead!

Hiya Friday peops

Well, a mixed bag of a week off - so settle yourselves down for a moan and whinge plus some exciting news too - for Facebook followers......

Remember when I got thunderbolted back in July? Well, it seems I wasn't as lucky as I first thought to get away with it - my PC got buzzed - apparently that is an IT term for the lightning swelling the bits inside your PC that you don't need swelling, so after 4 hours of Mr Grumpy moaning about me not having the right disks for this and that my home PC was declared dead - he was kind enough to knock an hour off the invoice - and I have got a new one coming, courtesy of my contents insurance in 7 - 10 days so we all know where this is going to end up don't we? Today is Day 7.... hey ho :-/

I had my little pink thing serviced and MOT'd while I was on holiday so that was more money out too - bless Nathan at Showell's garage - still trying to get me to buy a new one - but there's nothing as sexy yet on the market - though he did show me a little 'gangster styley' car which would probably be well received in St. Irchley... has got me thinking now....

Needless to say by Friday I was well ready to chill - so off to Minehead - Sue drove (me mad) and we had a fab time - as ever. We had the Top Dogs looking after us Andy & Gideon - Andy forgot his grundies so his nickname was 'Nicholas' for the weekend - get it? We did two lovely walks again - though I think Lee Bay still has the edge - we walked through Porlock weir - beautiful - but I must've been being blonde again - as I totally didn't see the weir - doh! See Ken and his harem posing on day 1.

See us posing by the monument erected to me - that was the second day walk - I am indeed a place of Natural Beauty :-)

Now the exciting news is that this week I have found one of my ex's - from 23 years ago - that's half a life time!! He was (and still is) in the Navy - and if I remember rightly it was the distance that was a pain - but it has been fab catching up with his news again - so watch this space - I'll ask him if he minds me putting a pic of us on here when I was boofed and he had a full head!!

Gotta fly - as I'm doing this from work and don't want to get into trouble

Have a soooper weekend folks

Kimmie x

Kimmie surfs for her 1994 Raft Boy Ndaba

Hi Friday peops

Thought I would rub it in a bit and send a TGIM out as I am off this week - and not before time - all this saving up my leave for the NZ trip is taking it's toll. It has taken me 2 days to unwind and feel like I can start the holiday proper!

Last Saturday's bimble in Monmouth turned out to be not one of Gary's better choice car parks - full to brimming with wrinklies parking up to get their BOGOFs at Waitrose - so after a one hour typical roadworks jam, and a trundle round the streets I did no more than turn my little pink thing round and come home (via Webbs for a bit of retail therapy!)

I then popped in to see my own wrinklies, who cheered me up no end reminding me what a valuable and much loved daughter I am :-/ so I did no more than get up and walk out of there too - I'm looking forward to finding out what the third 'Kim throws a wobbler' is going to be - I don't feel like I've peaked yet ;-)

Naturally I've sought solace in the virtual world and spent a lot of time on Facebook this week - and that has really cheered me up - I've found my lovely Raft Boy from 1994 - so check me out on Facebook and say hi to Ndaba - plus I've also met up with my old vicar Dave - yes folks, I was once into 'Revelations' - in fact I still am but in a different way ;-)

I've said goodbye (tho I hope it is just "So long...") to two good people at work this week. Lisa has gone to be with Darren and start a new life with Cherise & Livvy in Liverpool - I shall miss her mumsy advice on the corridors.... and Nicole is going to be a teacher - so a little ray of sunshine will be leaving the office - tho I'm well chuffed for them both.


I'm off to Devon this weekend - so you'll be let off a TGIF this week - I'm planning to get down there on Thursday - just in case the car park is full!

Have a good week

Kimmie :-) x

If you harbour suspicions that you, or someone you know, qualifies as a grumpy old woman take a peek at the checklist below - I did and it scared me! Is this what I’ve got to look forward to?

• You say “That shows my age” and people no longer contradict you
• Shop assistants cower in fear as you storm up to their counter to return shoddy goods
• You like a slip-on shoe – saves all that bending
• You complain a lot
• You start to enjoy pottering
• Young men are afraid to be left alone with you, lest you pounce
• You order your first pleated skirt from a catalogue
• You start buying all your clothes from Edinburgh Woollen Mills
• You start collecting used margarine pots and plastic bags in case you ever need them
• If you wore a thong you’d look like a sumo wrestler
• You can’t remember if you’ve taken your tablets
  
  PS: I am guilty of three of the above so far!! And NO! - I’m not telling you which!!
  

Kimmie climbs the walls

Hiya Friday peops

At last a little bit of summer has arrived, and the sunshine has diluted some of the poohy news – shootings, ASBO, etc etc – just gives you a bit of a lift doesn’t it?

Bit of irony this week - while doing one of my regular ‘Risk Awareness’ training sessions, the staff appeared momentarily distracted…… (at least they were still awake I mused….) as they stared out of the windows – alerted by screeching brakes – to see our huge oxyacetylene cylinders being delivered – with the keen delivery guy racing them across 3 lanes of traffic……..it was like I’d arranged a live video clip of the everyday risks our gang like to take at work!!??

I’ll keep this brief again as I have very little feeling in my fingers after climbing at the indoor Creation Climbing Centre in Moseley last night – my arms have been like two lead weights today – can’t lift my arms much – and it’s quite amazing how many times you need to do that every day (if any of you are bored – try and keep a tally…), open doors, reach for chocolate, grip anything without jiddering like Mrs Overall………and typing on a keyboard… the wee girl staff member who was looking after us had to tie a sandbag to herself cos she was dealing with so may lumps of lard slithering up the wall – she was at risk of ejecting through the roof if any of us had suddenly slipped!

Mind you – nice SPICE crowd and a real good laugh – they wouldn’t let me come down – which I suppose I could use as a life metaphor for this week ;-)

Shall be sunning myself in Monmouth tomorrow on a nice little bimble…..hope yours is a good un’.

Kimmie x

WHY CLIMBING IS BETTER THAN SEX (a man's perspective):
1. When you climb, you only have to get yourself to the peak.
2. If you climb with someone other than your regular partner, no one gets mad, in fact, you can all three climb together and share protection!
3. You can reuse your protection, and someone else even cleans it for you, provided you don't put it in too deep.
4. There IS such a thing as being too overhung.
5. You can get belayed without first bekissing.
6. A good hand jam can be as satisfying as any other kind of jam.
7. No matter how many times you fall off, you can always climb back on.
8. Having a belay slave is not a criminal offence.
9. The rocks never expect you to call afterward.
10. Dry friction is a positive quality when you're climbing.
11. The rocks don't care if you show up late.
12. The rocks don't complain after 7 or 8 pitches.
13. When you're climbing, a good two-finger jam will support your body weight.
14. Your belayer never hesitates when you yell "TAKE!"
15. When you're climbing, weird body positions are considered "cool".
16. The rocks don't scream for help when you try for the on-sight flash.
17. The rocks don't complain when you don't want to do cracks anymore and want to do some face.
18. A three-finger pocket isn't too big. 19. You don't have to wait an hour after getting pumped-out.

WHY CLIMBING IS BETTER THAN SEX (a woman's perspective):
1) The rock is always hard.
2) Rocks are never busy watching football when you'd rather climb.
3) Rocks don't complain about the kind of protection you want to use.
4) You can go climbing with another woman and nobody will call you names or hassle you.
5) You can use ropes and harnesses and nobody will think you're kinky.
6) You can go climbing any time of the month.
7) It's over when *you* reach the peak.
8) You won't die of embarrassment if your mother finds your rock gear.
9) If it's in too deep, you can yank on a nut.
10) Nobody ever got pregnant rock climbing!
11) If you need something REAL big, you can always put in a Big Bro'!

Grumpy old woman demands new bum

Hi Friday peops

Short one today – you’ll be pleased to know -well, by my standards… nuff said…cos I reckon something is in the air…. lots of little negative fairies flying around – dumping their misery dust on my head - and it’s time to fight back!

Went to register at a new gym – don't bother with 'Fitness First' folks....and the nice little boy with the rather shocking hair do – and cowboy boots on – tromping round the gym area (what happened to plimsole rules?) tried to barter me up for the best rate (what’s that all about!?) …so I kindly pointed out that we were in Stirchley – not an African market trying to barter the price of handbags – this is my bum bags we are talking about – and sod the fact that I’ll get my body fat measured once a month for an extra sixty quid – who wants to pay that much to be depressed once a month!!?? The shittily photocopied form that I had to fill out so that he could assess my bodily needs had a tick choice of why I was there – one of them was “New mum” (what’s that all about - is it asking if I want one??!!!!!) so I crossed the first ‘M’ out and put a ‘B’ there – which confused the little sod ;-)

Work – don’t talk to me about work – I shadowed a ‘Young Adults’ clinic this week where we invite those in transition from childhood to reality to support and offer grown up advice, but I guess it’s been a million years since I was there myself and now I’m just a grumpy middle aged duffer – I admire our wonderful therapists – how they didn’t launch themselves at them I’ll never know – I was on the edge of my seat ready - guess it’s just me this week with my negative fairies - it was the boys (what a surprise) who knew what they wanted – and it wasn’t a reminder about what real life is all about – doh! Thankfully the girlies were more motivated – good for you girlies – didn’t let me down – in fact were rather inspirational ;-)….. then today some plonker booked me to do a training session at 3.30 – knowing I finish at 3 o’clock on Friday – my Fridays are sacrosanct – so after a classic teenage tantrum – just to show I learned something from the clinic…. I rallied and though I could see the troops fading I bravely soldiered on – my personal motto being that no-one pees me off on a Friday…

And on that grumpily ‘I need a large glass of wine’ Friday moment – can I just say that I hope your week has been better than mine…. I know Eva’s wasn’t – she got frog marched to a police station by a mad man – who had offered to change her flat tyre but then decided that her spare tyre was illegal, (I’m presuming Eva meant wheels and not her midriff?) tho Eva got to meet some “cute policemen”…..and I thought I’d had a bad week!!…. Also Don is in Peru – finding himself - so probably not having the best of holidays – and Mike at work met a nice RAC man today who gave him a new windscreen since his disappeared somewhere on the way to work….. tho there has been some nice news – Alex passed all her A levels and is in the Music college of her choice – and my neighbours are all enthusiastic members of the Space Station club – yes – in Stirchley we are not embarrassed about being caught out late at night in our front and back gardens staring skywards for a glimpse of the International Space Station ;-)

So – keep smiling – or grimacing – as long as it’s convincing…. :-)

See you tomorrow Alex for part 1 of OzFotofest400 ;-)

Kimmie x

Can’t wait till I retire – Tony sent this a while back – and with Mike’s little problem today – and my whole attitude this week, I feel it would do me good to try this SOON…

Working people frequently ask retired people what we do to make our days interesting.

The other day my friend Marilyn and I went into town and visited a shop.
We were only in there for about 5 minutes, and when we came out, there was a traffic warden writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?"
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.
So I called him a turd.
He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres.
Marilyn then called him a S--- head.
He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
To be perfectly honest, we didn't really care.
You see, we came into town by bus, but we try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired.
It's important at our age

Ample bum bags cause crop circle shuttle shock

Hello Friday peops

The Badby bimble with Gary last weekend was a dream – glorious sunshine - see photo - and with using my ample bum to rest my ample bum bag on managed to stay and (if I say so myself) look rather cool – and as you can see created my very own crop circle - rather better weather than the bimble in Herefordshire – remember TGIF 200707? Martin has sent me another photo which I will add to that Blog posting – I couldn’t look any wetter!

This week has been magical and I've been rather star struck – magical cos me and Sue went to see Harry Potter - very good - those twins eh.! and then with Nessa’s Morris’ help (remember the Morris dancing TGIF?) last night watched the International Space Station fly over Birmingham with the naked eye!! I missed the Shuttle which was following a minute later but mom and dad didn’t so were well chuffed - am going to go out again tonight and cop a look. I wonder if they took any photos of the Badby crop circles I created with my ample bum bags from the shuttle ;-)

I’ve texted a load of you but in case I’ve missed anyone – get out there ten minutes earlier to get adjusted…. cos the Shuttle will be flying across at 2117 from WSW towards the East and again at 2252 from West to SSE with the International Space Station a minute behind – we can all wave at the same time – what a bonding TGIF moment that will be ;-)

For you Kiwis – and Owen in Hertfordshire…. and Ed in London you need to go to the Heavens Above website’ and register and pop your postcode in and you get a list of times it flies over your house – I guess with you Owen they will probably also tip their fins :-D

Look....at 2015 it was here....how exciting is this??


I’ve seen a brilliaaaaaant Youtube Shuttle special, and spent ages watching the NASA webcam
at NASA - NASA TV Landing Page– highly recommended – did you know they see the sun rise 16 times a day!!!! How fab is that?!

It has taken my mind off a somewhat typical Friday at work – y’know the sort of risky stuff which always happens on a Friday came rolling in today – I'll tell you but I may have to shoot some of you - but there is a top secret emergency planning exercise this weekend in Brum – fake man flu outbreak I think......anyway – someone in their wisdom sent a global e-mail announcing the secret exercise.....we already know how many victims there will be – and have even advertised for volunteers already to help out……I do hope when a real emergency breaks out we get time to rearrange our weekends :-/………………..then…….remember that scam e-mail I told a lot of you about recently with a worm virus thingie attached to it - coming from fake greeting cards sites – well again a wise manager sent another global e-mail to all staff – with a sample of what it looked like……………and yes – you’ve guessed it – they took the sample from a real scam e-mail complete with virus-laden link :-O

Quiet weekend ahead – need it after all the excitement this week - staying home - going to feed the old uns – they are wasting away – probably do something with a Space theme – it’ll be ‘out of this world’ and milky bar stuff!

Have a great weekend – and happy star gazing :-)
Kimmie x

Jupiter came down to Earth one day and decided to help these two criminals to rob a bank. Anyway, to cut a long story short, they got caught and the three of them found themselves in court. The judge sentenced the two earthlings to fifteen years, and Jupiter was a bit shocked when he was sentenced to ten years."But your honour" said Jupiter, "I didn't even take part in the robbery!""Yes" said the judge. "But you helped them ... Planet!".

Baggy Point shock - Pink pebbles seen in Lee Bay

Yo Friday peops

Bit of a slow week as have spent most of it recovering from last weekend in Lee Bay in Devon with Sue and the Walkwise guys! Ol’ Tom Tom (Bless!) took us his usual scenic way - so the last 2 miles was down a dirt track – with grass growing down the middle of it! Luckily we only came across one other car and two bikes – his was a Tigra – so it was my little pink thing that had to sidle over…. Carefully :-/

The hotel was in a gorgeous location – see pic at top with a rock pool beach and you can imagine mine and Sue’s smiley faces when we found the beach had pink pebbles! We did have a geologist with us but he was a bit grumpy – boy geologists obviously don’t get as excited over these things?

Our first walk on Saturday had undertones of Gary’s walks – y’know the 11 milers that turn into 14 milers but no one is sure how! We were all happy tho cos the weather – thank you Met Office for getting it wrong again – and scenery was fabulous.

Here on the left we have Sue mounting the Great Hangman – and on the right - me and Sue posing at ‘Baggy Point’! Sunday’s walk was just as nice – the uppie and downie bits were quite ‘Hobbit-like’ see the pic below.

The down side from my bum point of view is that the food was gorgeous – and thus despite two visits to the gym this week I’m getting to resemble Baggy Point!! We also met some really nice people from other SPICE groups – no grumps at all (apart from boy geologist but he doesn’t count) – which was nice ;-)

So this weekend me and Sue are looking forward to seeing Gary again – he’s taking us for a bimble round Badby – so fingers crossed for a lovely weekend for you gang too :-)

Happy weekend

Kimmie x

Two apt Tommy Cooper gags:

I phoned the local ramblers club today, and this bloke just went on and on........

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits.
He said, "How flexible are you?"
I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."