Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Yule and all that :-)

Well, sad as this is you are going to receive an abridged version of my Christmas newsletter - even though the BBC News said this week that they do not really tell you the whole story... some of you will be or have been lucky enough to have received the real thing - with photos and all... (still available on request!)... wow I hear you say :-) I received a four page diatribe by someone I met once on holiday who I think husband writes it as it is in the third person (intermittently) and I hear all about the starring role s in the nativity plays and what the weather was like on their Easter breaks :-O

WHAT THEY WRITE Dear friend, It's been an eventful year for the family, and Bill and I can't wait for Christmas and the new year. Stephanie is as lively as ever and is very eager to see the world. And the headmaster at Theo's school says he is growing into a really determined young man. Must catch up next year.Patricia

WHAT THEY MEAN Dear person I met once,Glad 2008 is over, I don't know how we survived it. My husband briefly left me for another woman, but he's vowed to turn over a new leaf. Stephanie's out of control and ran away twice. Theo's been suspended for bullying. I don't expect a reply because let's face it, we're never going to see each other again.Patricia

Quite a good article if you get a chance http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/7785410.stm

I built mine up by saying at the beginning that there was a new male in my life, the sound of distant wedding bells - and of course the results from my first ultrasound scan- so you see you've heard it all zzzzzzz.

I cheerily summarised all the deaths - tho an abridged version as there were so many to have printed them all would have looked more like the Evening Mail's obituary page! I mentioned Uncle Bob who popped his clogs and as has rejoined Auntie Joyce AND his other wife - what a turn up - his obituary now reads "Big Bob" - short for Bigamist Bob' - interestingly Eldridge McGiver (also a scouser) wrote "Anybody who gets married twice is either a fool, a bigamist or both". Plus lost a thied cousin (twice removed - and very much removed now) Roger, an old (well young) TA acquaintance 'Pop Larkin' in Afghanistan & old neighbours Nelly & Ray.

I then did the usual summary of mater and pater's illnesses and near death experiences - yes it was a really happy newsletter! Isaid they were still very much alive and well and draining the NHS resources. Dad's norovirus experience was detailed with his impression of a dual action mobile fountain... then the hole he scratched in his head which turned turned out to be another skin cancer - then docs forgot to stop his warfarin before the biopsy – oops! Mom called the paramedics and then dad told them she’d attacked him! I could see by their faces they believed him!Then he had something or other on the end of his schnozzer – which has left him with a frilly nose! Then mom had a tooth abscess and went to the dentist for the first time in 40 years!! O the joys of mommy getting to grips with the mobile phone camera – it’s just great to get pics like this when you’re at work....

I gloated about the spoils of this year - I think it's always good to show off and let everyone know that you've done so many exciting things - even tho it's aged you 20 years and you're knackered! It endears you to your closest friends and gets rid of the others so the Christmas card debacle gets even shorter next year :-)

I mentioned my 'out of this World' holiday – well an ‘under the World’ holiday – seems so long ago now - I spent all of January in New Zealand – dashing around for 3 weeks on North & South Island with Exodus and a rather mixed (durr!) bunch – but sang the praises of the normal folk especially Terri & Penny – and of course the last week with my lovely Kiwis Manda, Rich and the sproglets Lucia, Sam & Claudia. I just loved the place and the people and Manda’s & Rich’s parents spoiled me rotten too – went wild boar shooting – well more like watching really – those Kiwi boys are very watchable ;-) I also took part in a yacht race in Marlborough Sound, flew in a chopper and small very bumpy plane over the sound. Loads more photos on Facebook :-)

When I got back my neighbour Stella managed to coerce me into taking in a male lodger. Dennis has been with me now for 10 months – we get on great – and I know he feels comfy here.

Then just when you think it can’t get any better mom and dad got me a new motor – quite distinct – tho’ sadly not pink – I’ve made up for it tho with my accessories. Mom got me a ‘Princess’ car seat cover, and of course the pink dice….It’s a great drive – and looks dead funky – like a squashed hummer!

So – now to the sound of the distant wedding bells – well it has been such a hectic year cakes wise – and I’ve had some great challenges – with my favourite so far being a Shrek & Princess Fiona ‘surprise’ wedding cake – it travelled all the way to Scotland – so that was the distant wedding bells…. Don’t be disappointed for me – I made a nice profit – at slave labour rates :-)
I’ve done all sorts – another favourite was a ‘surprise Welsh dragon’ cake from the bride to the groom to match the lilac wedding theme!

Then finally .... the results of my first ultrasound scan....I am expecting twin……..neuromas… on my left foot - nothing major – a benign growth around the nerves in between my toes – how bloody ridiculous eh? I had it injected with cortisone – OUCH!!!! Got revenge on my mom tho and sent her a pic with a smiley face under the injection holes! Not sure what they plan on doing – but it hasn’t stopped me enjoying my walks most weekends and a few weekends away in Devon & the Lakes or Morris dancing again in Sedgley :-)

Anyway, that's it in a nutshell - I'm off now to toast myself for finishing all the dinner prep for tomorrow - we are having a themed menu "Christmas is Ducking Feer" with (you've guessed it) Duck and deer ;-D and pudding is Boozy stollen trifle (home made diabetic stollen no less - the house smells quite scrummy - so looks like the 10lb i have lost over recent weeks will be returning in time for New Year!

Have a fab yule folks - let's try and meet in 2009 if we haven't recently?

Kim xxxxxxx

TGIF....The sound of distant wedding bells........and the results of my first ultrasound scan :-O

YO TGIFers

Well another fun packed month has flown by – bit of news…..and 20 days to go till Santa comes! My once a year treat ;-)
I have been snowed under (metaphorically speaking – tho’ we have had our first smattering here in the middle) with cakes. I made an Aston Martin for someone’s 30th and made one of the most intricate cakes ever – Yes I’ve just finished a ‘Shrek and Princess Fiona’ wedding cake – apparently the groom Scott looks like Shrek?! You’ve got to hand it to her – what a brave bride you are Zoe :-)

So the joyous sound of wedding bells….

So… to my bit of news….last Friday I went off to the Hospital to have my first scan. Had an ‘Eddie Stobart’ moment (you’d have loved it Heather….) when I arrived early and met the lorry driver delivering the helium in hooooooge containers which help the MRI scanner function….. apparently…… because of its low boiling point (approximately -452°F or -269°C), liquid helium is used to cool magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) magnets blah blah……and then how good Hopwood services are for lorry overnighters in comparison to Hilton Lorry park………………. anyway, to cut a long story short, it is confirmed… it’s a neuroma :-/…. Now waiting to find out what’s next….

I’m feeling quite unfit – as I haven’t been out hillwalking since I last e-chatted – so guiltily I ventured up the gym this week and had a close encounter of the fart kind. Pasquale made a bee line for me ticking me off because I hadn’t been for ages – and dragged me off to the ‘power plate’ – which for the uninitiated is like a giant vibrating console with handles and stuff – allegedly 15 minutes on it is the equivalent of a full body workout!?

Anyway, he shows me various challenging positions which I have to copy – not a pretty picture with my arse squeezed into my pink lycra leggings – and hold for 30 second spurts of vibrations – I’m getting towards the end of the ‘workout’ and he shows me some stretches – one which requires me to sit on the plate with my feet in the air tucked round the handles, with my arse in the air in the ‘crunch’ position…… yes you’ve guessed it – Pasquale presses the button and the bloody power plate rumbles to life and rattles a fart out from the very depths of my colon – I could feel it hurtling towards the outside world – and I’m shouting at Pasquale “I CAN’T HOLD IT…. I CAN’T HOLD IT….” And he’s shouting back at me in his Italian way…”EEEZ ONLY FEEFTEEN SECONDS LEFT MAKE MORE EFFFFAAAART………yes Pasquale I nearly did……

And on that note…………..have a good un – will be in touch before Crimbo – hope all is well with you

Kimmie x

TGIS 091108

Hi there TGIFers,

Not a bad week – no more bits have fallen off – well I tell a lie….I tested my Morton’s Neuroma and Costsochondritis up the Malverns yesterday – as you do – much the same really – no better/no worse – mind you I think I was distracted from the usual pains by the fact that somewhere up one of the lumpy bits yesterday I pulled my groin and chipped the back of my front tooth veneer! Was very nice tho – and the weather held out. We met for breakfast in the Malvern Hills Hotel – and then went on to do 8 lumps of the Malvern Hills – including Worcestershire and Hereford Beacons and a last stumble up British Camp – which is a 2000 year old iron age fort resembling a tiered wedding cake – got some nice pics tho the day was dull weather wise.


Apart from the bits dropping off, I had a nice week really –
I have started a wood carving class – dad has done it for years – whittling away carving chess sets, hands, totem poles – self taught really – and the gang at the BWA were well impressed when I took a few of dad’s bits down to show them – haven’t carted the totem pole there yet….I had to make a special board to fit it – and dad and I have christened it. Dad made the totem pole to cover all the bubbles in all my wallpaper when I papered my bedroom a while back with cos it has a subtle red Indian theme.

So now I’m learning too – have joined the British Woodcarvers Association and meet at Brum University on Mondays and Wednesday evenings. I am carving a horse chestnut leaf – and am managing to conker it – it’s knot hard – especially with the support off the guys who know what they are doing! It’s so therapeutic – I go off into a little wooden world of my own :-)

Off now to soak my tootsies in my foot spa and watch the Strictly Dancing results – this is what Sundays are all about :-)

Hope your weekend was good – and all your bits are hanging in there

Kim x

TGIF :-) Trick or Treat?

Yo Peops

I know it has been a while – and fret not - this wont be an e-tome….

I’ve been touched (I wish….) by your e-mails – yes both of you…and the neighbours and friends – yes both of them….who have been in touch to ask why they’ve been removed from the mailshot – take a chill pill…… no-one has been removed – tough – you should make a formal request then I might….
Truth is – it has been a pooh few weeks, and just when it got better I decided I wasn’t getting enough attention and joined the foray, and it’s sometimes hard to find anything to laugh about or share that doesn’t make everyone else miserable, but sod it, now the time has come – why should I be the only one who is miserable?


I’ve had a mixed time with the mater and pater – took them to the local Garden show – our annual outing...... Mom was like one of those weather ducks dipping her beak into all the flowers complaining about how they have no scent when they’ve been ‘forced’ – wonder why that doesn’t work the same for farts?

Dad decides to test his walking stick for the first time, but doesn’t find it easy, juggling bags/plant supports and the like – and keeps sinking into the mud – really bad cos of all the rain – I had visions of all these old fogies sinking into a quicksand styley pit clinging onto their geraniums and disappearing forever.

The fuchsia's bright...... and then they wonder off into the sunset, with mom well chuffed at how cheap this metal detector was.......

They’ve both been competing on the health front – dad with his skin cancer - all gone again – and his scabby schnozzer – which fortunately turned out NOT be cancer – although has healed leaving him with a frilly nostril – I think it could catch on.

Mom succumbed to a dental abscess so was forced to face her demons and visit the dentist for the first time in 40 years. Naturally, I had visions of her having to have her complete lower jaw removed and have one of those ‘Monty Python’/ventrilo’ chins fitted so she could pull a string by the side of her ear and still manage to nag dad – but amazingly – she only had two teeth out and a spit and polish…and now has a nice big smile..... which she sent me on her mobile! Can you spot the difference........? :-O

We lost my Uncle Bob – he’d gone over to New Zealand, and then got the Big C – and now gone up to the big Spion Kop in the Sky :-(

I tell you what though – it was worth it – it’s dead cheap to have a funeral out there - £600 all in – shall be chatting to Manda and gang nearer the time, get a plot sorted….. then ....turns out he’s got a Scouser son none of us knew about – cousins were pretty shocked – especially since they have spent all the will…..seems Uncle Bob had another missus before my Aunty Joyce – aren’t families funny things? I’m so lucky –I don't think I have any kids that I don’t know about ;-)

Had a mass of cakes on – too many really – see more on Facebook - http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=50851&l=baa9d&id=648607651

There’s not a week that goes by now without me sticking to the floor in my kitchen – I’m thinking of trying to work it into a sort of five year business plan – need to cos the job isn’t safe – are any? I’ve been here before though so am just waiting to see – and still keeping busy and enjoying it and the people. Friends around me in SPICE are losing theirs – and outwardly staying amazingly calm - makes the credit crunch real.

I’m still trying to ignore it all – today I was invited to one of the services today – the Assistive Communication gang – who provide all the high tech voice boxes etc – they had a ‘pink picnic’ in aid of breast cancer and I was invited to be the judge of who was the ‘pinkest’ staff member – being a bit of a pink expert – they went mad I tell you – to the point of indecency – if they release the photos I’ll blog them – I know they wont mind……all good fun :-D

I’ve done loads of bimbling both in and out of SPICE which has been great – mostly the weather has been good – but got caught out big time in the Lakes (Keswick) last weekend with a few friends – we saw the fell runners who carried on with the marathon – personally I think they made the right decision – they looked fab in their wet lycra Ron Hills – all the straining to see them though meant I ended up with Costochondritis (Google that one!) – took my mind off my Morton’s neuroma though for a while – comes to something tho when it hurts to sniff/cough/laugh etc – good job there’s not been a lot to laugh about really….. so today I get up bit nervous about my hospital appointment….bugger me Dennis limps in after a night on the razz – neighbours come to the rescue and he’s put on 2 hourly obs all day – it’s all about him all the time - I go off and have two cortisone injections between my toes – and fabbo – Dennis isn’t limping tonight :-)

It brought tears to my eyes I can tell you – I was a brave soldier and went to work afterwards – but the whole of the Centre knew within half an hour – you need the sympathy vote don’t you….plus I was walking like Max Wall – so they knew something was up.. ish - pics of my foot at the top of the Blog….

So – there you go – in a nutshell – all of us have taken turns to put the wind up each other and it has been quite draining – but normal service has been resumed – unless you put a request in to be de-mailed….. have a good un

Kimmie x

Oct 08 - Normal Service will be resumed shortly.....

Hello TGIFers,

I understand there is some 'in-gossiping' and you think I may have deleted some of you from the e-mails/Blog link.

Not true – you sensitive little souls – just a case of Bloggers Block – a culmination of the credit crunch, dad’s nostrildamus episode, mom’s unpalatable difficulties after confronting her dentistry demons, and finding out we had a ‘Big Bob’ in the family – you don’t know your family until they snuff it – and even then they leave you with ‘Big Bob’ conundrums……. Then there is my Morton’s neuroma – 'Google' that one if you’re bored – to see what little ol’ me may have to have done if I let the NHS near me bodily parts……..

Watch this space – all will be revealed…….

Love yous all :-)

Kimmie x

TGIS :-) Midsummer madness in Minehead

Yo Friday peops,

What an interesting experience Minehead was – rather ‘surreal’ all round really. We had sun though and I had my legs out for 3 whole days :-O

Day 1 – 12 miler – coastal walk – every time we stopped to let pretty Russian doctor catch up - which was every 10 yards - she lay down looking more and more like the colour of Borchst :-)
Needless to say pub time was curtailed - pity - as one of the Walk leaders provided great entertainment in the beer garden getting into some great positions to pick the tics out with his green gadget– it’s the season apparently – and you’re not a true rambler till you’ve had one burrow down, suck the blood out of you and drop off…….I’m sure I am in that case ;-)

Day 2 – Dunkery Hill – 12 miler – bit more sunshine – and Ken patiently waiting while I insisted we get group shot around a funny (well I thought it was..) signpost – after 10 attempts we finally got the ‘Hello’ magazine shot of the year – much to the annoyance of the rest of the group who were still reeling from the previous day’s lie down stops – not sure if Gideon did it deliberately but got a great shot of Ken - see below!

There were fireworks in the evening over the harbour which was nice – except for all the Chav families who had scaled the barbed wire of Butlitz and were roaming the streets – mind you - some of our gang were giving them a run for their money! Needless to say – as some of you know - my patience wore out and I returned with some quieter friends to the hotel bar….. then at bed time decided to put my ear plugs in cos of the revellers – so when the fire alarm went off at 3 in the morning due to some late night tit heads not able to hold their beer…I slept through it all :-/

Day 3 – Ken becomes a true rambler as he finds his first ever tic and Gideon extracts it with his green gadget.

Ken, Dawn, Rachel and I stayed over an extra night – Me and Rach’ at a nice cheap B & B and Ken & Dawn down the road in posh place with four poster at Porlock Weir. Us girlies decided to leave them in peace and paint the town red – first pub didn’t do food – BANK HOLIDAY MONDAY!? So off we went to the ‘Hairy Dog’ - found a nice quiet corner - gorgeous pasta platter (low fat of course) and window seat to watch the talent go by – there wasn’t any – but we had a giggle at the fuglies (being so attractive ourselves of course)….and weirdly the same odd couple passed us each day - obvious ramblers - he wore his ear warmers/bandana upside down with his ears sticking up at the side of his head like a Nick Parks 'Creature Comforts' polar bear styley - then as we chilled right behind Rachel the large TV screen lights up and is suddenly full of Portsmouth players and everyone is staring at me and Rachel – cringe….for all the wrong reasons….

So then it’s one of those decisions - do you wait till kick off and pee them off or leave now and be polite? I’ll leave you to guess what we did…..so we had a girlie giggly night while Ken & Dawnie enjoyed playing in their four poster :-)

Anyway it recharged the batteries enough for a nice short week at work – and today me and the old uns have been to the Garden Show and got a few treats – mine is amazingly colourful and Stella thinks it’s a hoot – boy have I got taste!!…. and more news on that next week

Hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend

Kim x

TGIF :-) Things can only get better.....

Yo Friday peops

Funny old fortnight – work has gone silly so phank phew for my evening texter and weekend buddies, who (I wouldn’t say….) keep me sane but maybe also keep me from tipping over the edge – which isn’t easy at the moment with my ‘new way of walking’…. My toe held out though in Stow with a 10 mile bimble last Sunday – didn’t moan quite as much as usual….but I’ve been to see my GP and will be ploughing through the old NHS processes now to see what they can do….Dad has been getting his money’s worth this week too – starting planning his radiotherapy for his bonce – his schnozzer is better too - and then poor old Uncle Bob down under in NZ – was just visiting but is now there for the duration - is making the most of the reciprocal Kiwi health arrangements – and we’re all thinking of him :-(

I’ve been wearing my gizmos (or for the posh – orthoses) and going for my sports massage – which is really no fun if you don’t do sports – the baby physio’ seems to get great pleasure – probably cos of all the dough he racks up in 15 minutes worth of torture…. Yesterday was my last session and he’s had to do something to my back – which is suffering quite badly at the moment – probably due to the new gizmos though I have been doing some humping and lumping – but I swear all the massage has suddenly turned my back into one of those rotund muffin-style hanging over my jeans teenage look!! I’m sure it wasn’t there before? Get this, he says I’m not normal……. he says no-one walks 10 miles a day…. Poor little sausage – I think to myself yes baby boy it will happen to you one day – you will become a rambler – I thought it wouldn’t happen to me but it just sneaks up….

Then….work…. every day just as I get my jacket on to leave work, someone has come in to ask a meaningful question, no kidding every day…. Last Friday was one of those typical ones where around 12pm we had another biggie where you have to drop everything – and I did – smiling (wincing…) and duly obliged – very difficult pulling stuff together in a rush and I don’t do that kind of stress very well – but pulled it off. Then I had to fudge do a presentation and that went down really well – so along with my orthoses raising me up I’m up floating at the mo….

So – off to Devon in a bit – picking Rachel up in my gangsta moll – got the wine and chocolate packed but haven’t a clue what I’m taking to wear…..Ken has been texting all week like an excited school boy and winding us both up – so methinks it’s going to be a cracking weekend cos it looks like we’re all ready to let off some steam.

Hope your bank holiday is a good un too….

Kim x

For those of you motoring off Numpty 1 shared some Viz tips -

MOTORISTS Always have a hot pie in your hands in heavy traffic. Each time the traffic grinds to a halt, just reach for the pie. The instant you place it to your lips the traffic begins to move. This works especially well with the molten lava apple turnovers from KFC.
Pat Jacks