Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Yule and all that :-)

Well, sad as this is you are going to receive an abridged version of my Christmas newsletter - even though the BBC News said this week that they do not really tell you the whole story... some of you will be or have been lucky enough to have received the real thing - with photos and all... (still available on request!)... wow I hear you say :-) I received a four page diatribe by someone I met once on holiday who I think husband writes it as it is in the third person (intermittently) and I hear all about the starring role s in the nativity plays and what the weather was like on their Easter breaks :-O

WHAT THEY WRITE Dear friend, It's been an eventful year for the family, and Bill and I can't wait for Christmas and the new year. Stephanie is as lively as ever and is very eager to see the world. And the headmaster at Theo's school says he is growing into a really determined young man. Must catch up next year.Patricia

WHAT THEY MEAN Dear person I met once,Glad 2008 is over, I don't know how we survived it. My husband briefly left me for another woman, but he's vowed to turn over a new leaf. Stephanie's out of control and ran away twice. Theo's been suspended for bullying. I don't expect a reply because let's face it, we're never going to see each other again.Patricia

Quite a good article if you get a chance http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/7785410.stm

I built mine up by saying at the beginning that there was a new male in my life, the sound of distant wedding bells - and of course the results from my first ultrasound scan- so you see you've heard it all zzzzzzz.

I cheerily summarised all the deaths - tho an abridged version as there were so many to have printed them all would have looked more like the Evening Mail's obituary page! I mentioned Uncle Bob who popped his clogs and as has rejoined Auntie Joyce AND his other wife - what a turn up - his obituary now reads "Big Bob" - short for Bigamist Bob' - interestingly Eldridge McGiver (also a scouser) wrote "Anybody who gets married twice is either a fool, a bigamist or both". Plus lost a thied cousin (twice removed - and very much removed now) Roger, an old (well young) TA acquaintance 'Pop Larkin' in Afghanistan & old neighbours Nelly & Ray.

I then did the usual summary of mater and pater's illnesses and near death experiences - yes it was a really happy newsletter! Isaid they were still very much alive and well and draining the NHS resources. Dad's norovirus experience was detailed with his impression of a dual action mobile fountain... then the hole he scratched in his head which turned turned out to be another skin cancer - then docs forgot to stop his warfarin before the biopsy – oops! Mom called the paramedics and then dad told them she’d attacked him! I could see by their faces they believed him!Then he had something or other on the end of his schnozzer – which has left him with a frilly nose! Then mom had a tooth abscess and went to the dentist for the first time in 40 years!! O the joys of mommy getting to grips with the mobile phone camera – it’s just great to get pics like this when you’re at work....

I gloated about the spoils of this year - I think it's always good to show off and let everyone know that you've done so many exciting things - even tho it's aged you 20 years and you're knackered! It endears you to your closest friends and gets rid of the others so the Christmas card debacle gets even shorter next year :-)

I mentioned my 'out of this World' holiday – well an ‘under the World’ holiday – seems so long ago now - I spent all of January in New Zealand – dashing around for 3 weeks on North & South Island with Exodus and a rather mixed (durr!) bunch – but sang the praises of the normal folk especially Terri & Penny – and of course the last week with my lovely Kiwis Manda, Rich and the sproglets Lucia, Sam & Claudia. I just loved the place and the people and Manda’s & Rich’s parents spoiled me rotten too – went wild boar shooting – well more like watching really – those Kiwi boys are very watchable ;-) I also took part in a yacht race in Marlborough Sound, flew in a chopper and small very bumpy plane over the sound. Loads more photos on Facebook :-)

When I got back my neighbour Stella managed to coerce me into taking in a male lodger. Dennis has been with me now for 10 months – we get on great – and I know he feels comfy here.

Then just when you think it can’t get any better mom and dad got me a new motor – quite distinct – tho’ sadly not pink – I’ve made up for it tho with my accessories. Mom got me a ‘Princess’ car seat cover, and of course the pink dice….It’s a great drive – and looks dead funky – like a squashed hummer!

So – now to the sound of the distant wedding bells – well it has been such a hectic year cakes wise – and I’ve had some great challenges – with my favourite so far being a Shrek & Princess Fiona ‘surprise’ wedding cake – it travelled all the way to Scotland – so that was the distant wedding bells…. Don’t be disappointed for me – I made a nice profit – at slave labour rates :-)
I’ve done all sorts – another favourite was a ‘surprise Welsh dragon’ cake from the bride to the groom to match the lilac wedding theme!

Then finally .... the results of my first ultrasound scan....I am expecting twin……..neuromas… on my left foot - nothing major – a benign growth around the nerves in between my toes – how bloody ridiculous eh? I had it injected with cortisone – OUCH!!!! Got revenge on my mom tho and sent her a pic with a smiley face under the injection holes! Not sure what they plan on doing – but it hasn’t stopped me enjoying my walks most weekends and a few weekends away in Devon & the Lakes or Morris dancing again in Sedgley :-)

Anyway, that's it in a nutshell - I'm off now to toast myself for finishing all the dinner prep for tomorrow - we are having a themed menu "Christmas is Ducking Feer" with (you've guessed it) Duck and deer ;-D and pudding is Boozy stollen trifle (home made diabetic stollen no less - the house smells quite scrummy - so looks like the 10lb i have lost over recent weeks will be returning in time for New Year!

Have a fab yule folks - let's try and meet in 2009 if we haven't recently?

Kim xxxxxxx