Does this happen with anyone else – any little DIY job turns into a marathon jobbie or small catalogue order always arrives and is wrong!
Now you all know I’m not always aesthetically pleasing, and am often shocked at the wrinkly stranger that peers back at me from mirrors these days….
However I have been toying with putting a large mirror over my fireplace – I’m North facing y’see – so I thought it would brighten my dark front room…so around three weeks ago I done the deed, then being just little OCD, spent a week measuring and faffing cos it was an inch too long, then dad was poorly bad, and one thing and another (ie I’m a procrastinater, procast – couldn’t be arsed) it is still leaning up the wall in my living room…
Any road up… mom shows me another in her Wilkinson’s catalogue – much better – and orders it along with her new small cabinet.
Small cabinet arrived last week smashed to smithereens… mirror arrives yesterday – wrong size – catalogue number is right – however it is assigned to a small narrower mirror and I wanted the bigger mirror…………
Dilemma
Phone call… after waiting 30 minutes on hold….picture steam coming out of mom’s ears by now….
Mom: “Hello, I’ve been waiting over 30 minutes – and your message said I was only going to wait 12?”
Wilkinsons: Blah Blah
Mom: “I know it’s not your fault….but over 30 minutes!! Anyway I’ve had a mirror arrive and it’s the wrong mirror on an order I placed; it’s for my daughter and she wanted the larger mirror but the order has arrived and it’s the narrower mirror……… oh the order number is blah blah…………..Yes, I know it’s the right order number but it’s the wrong mirror. The picture in the catalogue has the order number next to the bigger mirror, and it’s blah blah centimetres….”
Wilkinsons: Blah Blah… (at their end they only have the order information in inches!!) is that the blah blah inches one or the blah blah inches one?
Mom: “It’s the blah blah centimetres one
Mom: “Oh, I’m through to the wrong department?…….Well, I was waiting so long on the other line……….You can’t help me then?..............You’ll put me through?......Oh thank-you – (hand over receiver) ‘They are putting me through – he says sometimes you can jump the queue this way’… (LONG PAUSE)
Mom: “Oh hello, I’ve been put through to you – I waited over 30 minutes you know…..I’ve had a mirror arrive and it’s the wrong mirror on an order I placed; it’s for my daughter and she wanted the larger mirror but the order has arrived and it’s the narrower mirror….. the order number is blah blah…………..Yes, I know it’s the right order number but it’s the wrong mirror. The picture in the catalogue has the order number next to the bigger mirror, and it’s blah blah centimetres….”
Wilkinsons: Blah Blah…is that the blah blah inches one or the blah blah inches one?
Mom: “It’s the blah blah centimetres one…..”
Wilkinsons: Blah Blah….
Mom: “Yes, that’s right we placed order number blah blah for the blah blah centimetres one, and the blah blah centimetres one arrived, and my daughter wants the larger blah blah centimetres one,….”
So….. my mirror order and my mom’s phone call has caused a Nation-wide reprint of the new Wilkinsons catalogue and web page
Anyway it’s mom’s birthday today - happy birthday mom – I called her this morning – she says she caught sight of her arms in the mirror – and has reluctantly accepted that they are 72! I’ve cancelled the mirror order now J
Have a good un folks!
Saturday, 26 April 2008
Friday, 11 April 2008
From Cropredy to CrapReady :-)
Are you shitting comfortably…………..? I’ll begin the story……
Last Sunday I went on a blowy refreshing walk around Cropredy with Gary regaling us with stories of the Civil war – trying to read the Information Panels upside down and sound clever :-)…. superb day…..I get home, all refreshed and rosy, shower and put me Jim Jams on…. chill out, and am just about to head up the ‘wooden hill’ to bed early, when mom phones…apparently dad is in ‘a bit of a state’, and she didn’t know where to start….so not quite knowing what to expect, I get dressed and head over to see wassup………….
Oh dear, it was like the scene from Monty Python’s ‘Meaning of Life’…..remember the sketch…. “One more wafer thin mint?....”
Anyway, poor sod was like a mobile fountain – with dual pump action - and had pretty much redecorated the house, and I think in hindsight the only reason mom needed me was to help decide whether the hues that dad was spraying matched the current décor and should stay – they didn’t and they didn’t :-(
So I go into ‘Wonder Woman/Nanny McPhee’ mode - using mom as assistant runner, while dad did the runners…..so to speak…. He was all spruced up and ready for bed in no time – well about two hours actually….. it’s not easy in a little bathroom which has a door with an industrial closing mechanism on – and (I used to think this was sweet….) a little mouse holding a tinkly bell…. well after about the fifth time I’d had the door shut up me arse, the ‘sweet’ mouse had a flannel unceremoniously stuffed up it’s own tinkly bell!.... (think it’s still there…)
For those of you who have been to their house you’ll know all the funny stuff they have around – clocks everywhere – and the old metal advertising hoards in the bathroom suddenly seemed so apt – and yes, they really are there - I took these with my mobile pohone today!
....And then being the dutiful daughter and not feeling good about leaving him with the assistant runner on her own, I set him up on the settee, and pulled up one of their lovely leather reclining chairs and a stool and settled in for the night…. and sent mom off to bed.
BING BONG BING BONG……. I had put the chair under their lovely Westminster clock… I shot up – and the chair folded me bolt upright with a very loud ‘bum on leather’ farting noise! Poor dad thought it was him – oh dear….….. "No dad it was me….” It then bonged every 15 minutes… which was useful I suppose cos at least I could time poor dad’s trips - every hour or so with one or other of his dual pumps spouting!
It stopped bonging at midnight – so I thought to myself at least I’ll get a bit some kip – when suddenly I was having a light shone in my face – an Intruder? No – mom has got security timers on the lamps and on and off they pop all night……we make it through to morning with dad still really poorly….Doc comes – Winter Vomiting Virus – blah blah…gets sorted…
I give mom a lesson (not that the houseproud bugger needs one….) on how to sterilise furniture and fittings – in between escorting pops to poops…and nagging him to drink even tho it didn’t stay down for long. I was quite proud of our multitasking…..anyway to cut a long story short, I stayed another night – with Mr Clock’s volume turned down, the security lights all turned off, the chair screwed tighter to stop me ejecting…. and sent mom off to bed again....dad needs loo, I switch main light on and set off the burglar alarm – the ‘main light’ apparently interferes with it – I’ll bloody interfere with it…..then at last zzzzzzzzzzz, 1am in the morning .....
WOKKA WOKKA - the police helicopter is hovering over the house – oh deep joy!!
Anyway – the old sod is better, me and mom haven’t gone down with it – and think we’re beyond the incubation time – so am planning on renting her out to the Hospitals to provide expert advice on deep cleaning - so she can earn me a few pennies!
I’m back at work after having a ‘crisis’ day off – think I’m only ‘allowed’ one crisis a year….
I was supposed to be partying at Centre Parcs this weekend but am relieved I managed to cancel - cos I’m the crankiest, moaniest, knackered old nag bag – (nothing new there then) and am going to spend the weekend asleep!
Have a good un folks
Last Sunday I went on a blowy refreshing walk around Cropredy with Gary regaling us with stories of the Civil war – trying to read the Information Panels upside down and sound clever :-)…. superb day…..I get home, all refreshed and rosy, shower and put me Jim Jams on…. chill out, and am just about to head up the ‘wooden hill’ to bed early, when mom phones…apparently dad is in ‘a bit of a state’, and she didn’t know where to start….so not quite knowing what to expect, I get dressed and head over to see wassup………….
Oh dear, it was like the scene from Monty Python’s ‘Meaning of Life’…..remember the sketch…. “One more wafer thin mint?....”
Anyway, poor sod was like a mobile fountain – with dual pump action - and had pretty much redecorated the house, and I think in hindsight the only reason mom needed me was to help decide whether the hues that dad was spraying matched the current décor and should stay – they didn’t and they didn’t :-(
So I go into ‘Wonder Woman/Nanny McPhee’ mode - using mom as assistant runner, while dad did the runners…..so to speak…. He was all spruced up and ready for bed in no time – well about two hours actually….. it’s not easy in a little bathroom which has a door with an industrial closing mechanism on – and (I used to think this was sweet….) a little mouse holding a tinkly bell…. well after about the fifth time I’d had the door shut up me arse, the ‘sweet’ mouse had a flannel unceremoniously stuffed up it’s own tinkly bell!.... (think it’s still there…)
For those of you who have been to their house you’ll know all the funny stuff they have around – clocks everywhere – and the old metal advertising hoards in the bathroom suddenly seemed so apt – and yes, they really are there - I took these with my mobile pohone today!
....And then being the dutiful daughter and not feeling good about leaving him with the assistant runner on her own, I set him up on the settee, and pulled up one of their lovely leather reclining chairs and a stool and settled in for the night…. and sent mom off to bed.
BING BONG BING BONG……. I had put the chair under their lovely Westminster clock… I shot up – and the chair folded me bolt upright with a very loud ‘bum on leather’ farting noise! Poor dad thought it was him – oh dear….….. "No dad it was me….” It then bonged every 15 minutes… which was useful I suppose cos at least I could time poor dad’s trips - every hour or so with one or other of his dual pumps spouting!
It stopped bonging at midnight – so I thought to myself at least I’ll get a bit some kip – when suddenly I was having a light shone in my face – an Intruder? No – mom has got security timers on the lamps and on and off they pop all night……we make it through to morning with dad still really poorly….Doc comes – Winter Vomiting Virus – blah blah…gets sorted…
I give mom a lesson (not that the houseproud bugger needs one….) on how to sterilise furniture and fittings – in between escorting pops to poops…and nagging him to drink even tho it didn’t stay down for long. I was quite proud of our multitasking…..anyway to cut a long story short, I stayed another night – with Mr Clock’s volume turned down, the security lights all turned off, the chair screwed tighter to stop me ejecting…. and sent mom off to bed again....dad needs loo, I switch main light on and set off the burglar alarm – the ‘main light’ apparently interferes with it – I’ll bloody interfere with it…..then at last zzzzzzzzzzz, 1am in the morning .....
WOKKA WOKKA - the police helicopter is hovering over the house – oh deep joy!!
Anyway – the old sod is better, me and mom haven’t gone down with it – and think we’re beyond the incubation time – so am planning on renting her out to the Hospitals to provide expert advice on deep cleaning - so she can earn me a few pennies!
I’m back at work after having a ‘crisis’ day off – think I’m only ‘allowed’ one crisis a year….
I was supposed to be partying at Centre Parcs this weekend but am relieved I managed to cancel - cos I’m the crankiest, moaniest, knackered old nag bag – (nothing new there then) and am going to spend the weekend asleep!
Have a good un folks
Friday, 4 April 2008
April Fool - I'm only 36 - in the virtual world :-)
Hi Friday peops
My Monday evening continued as it had started – I took a bottle of Chardonnay to Issie’s – it was corked – would have removed nail varnish!! So Rob will dine out on that one for ever…. I sat there through the lovely dinner thinking at least I could rescue myself from disaster with my gorgeous Delia Chocolate Bread & Butter pudding, but folks… it doesn’t re-heat well – Delia is usually quite anal good at letting us domestic goddesses know these things – and there is nothing like the subtlety of a teenager over-emphasising the arm motions of sawing through it like he was a bloody lumberjack!
Never mind Tuesday was better – apart from the fact that I was totally sucked in by the BBC’s April Fool Antarctica penguins promo clip for their news iplayer! I was tired when I was watching the news in bed gradually waking up and was fascinated by the fact that they found these penguins which could fly….couldn’t wait to tell dad!
Took mom to see Mrs Brown at the Alex – I howled - and am still smiling – was brilliant (as ever!). I wouldn’t mind but as you know I never wear make up cos I’m gorgeous but cos I was going out I took an age to put my mascara on – which is more difficult now I can’t use the curling tongs – and by the end of the evening my cheeks were wearing most of it!
I’ve carried on reading through my 1975 diary – good old James at work made me feel better when I mentioned my reminiscing in 1975 – his eyes lit up…….“Oh the year I was born…” Ignoring the fact that I had primed him and Keith the porter as I went home the day before to say nice things….he redeemed himself when he complimented me on my ‘Shaun the Sheep’ hair cut this morning - when he said not many women can carry off the short hair cut……….what with that and a Facebook ‘virtual age’ gizmo making me 36, I’m made up! :-)
Looking back at this time in 1975……
3rd April – “Went to work….I done a perm today. I put the neutraliser on and it turned out fab. The lady gave me a 10p tip so it must have been good……”
Saturday 5th – “Grand National – 1st – L’Escargot, 2nd Red Rum, 3rd Spanish Steps. I backed Tudor View. Dad backed ‘Hi Ken!’, Ian backed Red Rum, Mom backed Rough Silk. Hi Ken, Tudor View and Rough Silk fell! Mom’s feet are itchy….”
Lovely warm Spring days this week – but apparently the snow is going to fall on Sunday… when I’m walking in Banbury… wonder if I’ll see any penguins?
Have a good weekend folks – happy birthday to the lovely Nicole who is a third of the way to 90 – and feels old – pah!!
Kimmie x
My Monday evening continued as it had started – I took a bottle of Chardonnay to Issie’s – it was corked – would have removed nail varnish!! So Rob will dine out on that one for ever…. I sat there through the lovely dinner thinking at least I could rescue myself from disaster with my gorgeous Delia Chocolate Bread & Butter pudding, but folks… it doesn’t re-heat well – Delia is usually quite anal good at letting us domestic goddesses know these things – and there is nothing like the subtlety of a teenager over-emphasising the arm motions of sawing through it like he was a bloody lumberjack!
Never mind Tuesday was better – apart from the fact that I was totally sucked in by the BBC’s April Fool Antarctica penguins promo clip for their news iplayer! I was tired when I was watching the news in bed gradually waking up and was fascinated by the fact that they found these penguins which could fly….couldn’t wait to tell dad!
Took mom to see Mrs Brown at the Alex – I howled - and am still smiling – was brilliant (as ever!). I wouldn’t mind but as you know I never wear make up cos I’m gorgeous but cos I was going out I took an age to put my mascara on – which is more difficult now I can’t use the curling tongs – and by the end of the evening my cheeks were wearing most of it!
I’ve carried on reading through my 1975 diary – good old James at work made me feel better when I mentioned my reminiscing in 1975 – his eyes lit up…….“Oh the year I was born…” Ignoring the fact that I had primed him and Keith the porter as I went home the day before to say nice things….he redeemed himself when he complimented me on my ‘Shaun the Sheep’ hair cut this morning - when he said not many women can carry off the short hair cut……….what with that and a Facebook ‘virtual age’ gizmo making me 36, I’m made up! :-)
Looking back at this time in 1975……
3rd April – “Went to work….I done a perm today. I put the neutraliser on and it turned out fab. The lady gave me a 10p tip so it must have been good……”
Saturday 5th – “Grand National – 1st – L’Escargot, 2nd Red Rum, 3rd Spanish Steps. I backed Tudor View. Dad backed ‘Hi Ken!’, Ian backed Red Rum, Mom backed Rough Silk. Hi Ken, Tudor View and Rough Silk fell! Mom’s feet are itchy….”
Lovely warm Spring days this week – but apparently the snow is going to fall on Sunday… when I’m walking in Banbury… wonder if I’ll see any penguins?
Have a good weekend folks – happy birthday to the lovely Nicole who is a third of the way to 90 – and feels old – pah!!
Kimmie x
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
