TGIT :-) Apprentice Pillock and Gary's dad dancing gate vault

Heya Friday peeeeeps

Having been hooked for the last 3 months, I'm taking heart from Sir Alan's choice of new 'Apprentice' Simon - who he called him a pillock a few tasks ago - and that is pretty much how I'm known at work, so think I might apply for the next series :-). Actually... been a right telly addict all week - have any of you been watching 'Britain's Got Talent'? What a fabuloso prog - especially if you like Ant & Dec too - I've been howling all week - bring back 'Variety Shows' that's what I say..... who remembers the 'Good old Days'... "Down at the old 'Bull and Bush.....'.? No...? :-/

Last weekend's bimble in Gloucester ended up with the walk leader vaulting a gate - and missing his aim - well he is a bloke..... and landing on his butt after apparently quite a nice 'dad dancing' manoeuvre- so to the kindly farmer who had nailed it shut, despite it being a walking route - thank you for that - as poor Gary has got a very painful knee now - at least that's what I think it was - when he sent me a photo on my mobile phone - I thought my flasher was back - all pink and swollen it was.....

The week has been swallowed up by a choo choo - for Trace's partner John - who hits the same age as me on Wednesday - and is a bit of a closet train spotter apparently - picture for all you cake spotters out there - it has been good for me cos it has stopped me nibbling the leftovers - I learned that my worms enjoy cake - so fingers crossed the neighbours didn't see me out there this week with the leftovers sat by my wormery - saying "One for me....one for you....". it is bulging this evening :-)

Off to Ullswater today - Sue driving - and going to try and meet up with a couple of pals - Kenny & Dawny - at a pub for lunch. There's a guy who'll be there - who is affectionately known as 'Swiss Tony' (Fast Show) for his corny chat up lines - and he hasn't a clue why - so in tribute to the weekend we are all looking forward to - here's a list of Swiss Tony's top words of wisdom.....

Have a great weekend folks - and good luck to the SPICE 'Three Peakers' who are up in Yorkshire clambering up Pen-y-Ghent (694m), Whernside (736m) and Ingleborough (723m). We'll be thinking of you in the Patterdale Bar ;-)

Kimmie xxx

MAKING COFFEE ... Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir... gently and firmly. You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk.

LAYING A CARPET...Laying a carpet is... very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, walk all over her. If you're adventurous - like me - you might like to try an underlay.


HANGING WALLPAPER... Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making love to a beautiful woman. Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on the table, cover her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean your brush, light your pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork.


PUTTING UP A TENT... Putting up a tent, is... very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You rent her, unzip the door, put up your pole an'... slip in to the old bag.


WASHING A CAR... Washing a car, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You've got to caress the bodywork. Breathe softly and gently. And give every inch of it your loving attention. And make sure you've got a nice wet sponge.


ANSWERING THE PHONE... Answering the phone, is... a little like making love to a beautiful woman. In that you've gotta... lift the receiver, put it to your ear, speak ...loudly and clearly ... oh, yes - and don't forget to state your name.


BEING IN THERAPY... And yet, having therapy is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You ... get on the couch, string 'em along with some half-lies and evasions, probe some deep dark holes, and then hand over all your money.


BEING IN A CRASH... Going to the brink of death and back, in a nine car pile-up on a dual carriage-way, is ... very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, brace yourself, hold on tight - particularly if it's a rear-ender. And pray you make contact with her twin airbags as soon as possible.


GOING FISHING... Of course, As you know, I'm a very keen fisherman myself. You know, I've often thought that going fishing was very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, clean and inspect your tackle, carefully pull back your rod over, and remove any dirt or gunge that may have built up whilst not in use. Then, extend your rod to its full length, and check that there are no kinks or any wear. Particularly at the base, where the grip is usually applied. Make sure you've got a decent float, the appropriate bait, and that there's plenty of shot in your bag.