TGIF ;-) Shamoan......

Yo TGIFers

Whit a week that was – get it?

Last Bank Hol weekend I did a couple of ten milers – with the lovely Gary – and SPICE - round some lovely parts of the English Countryside – Compton Verney on Saturday and Winchcombe on Monday. Saturday was gorgeous – we found a village fayre - Caroline nearly demolished the Hoopla stand in a concerted effort to hoop the whiskey – see the pohotos.....while Gary, Godfrey and I cunningly liaised to share matching tickets to win a Winnie the Pooh for his sproglets – Monday was a different kettle of fish – we could have been anywhere – and probably was – the mist and the rain wet bits of me that I forgot I had!!

In between these walks on the Sunday I had the old uns round for a Kangaroo casserole – and afterwards, challenged dad to a game of chess – using the Chess set he carved on the cross-stitch board that I finally got framed this year.

Well, what a cheat he was…. Just cos I was winning (White) he kept swapping from his Black set to move my bits – we were taking so long between moves we both kept forgetting which side we were on…..I noticed he kept scratching his head – deep in thought? No - it was a tactical manoeuvre - I discovered the bugger has scratched a small hole in his head – only dad!! Completely put me off my game – my King thought he was a Knight and my poor Queen was beside herself when his pawn tried to take her from behind – so I declared stale mate – and plonked a plaster on his head, trimmed his finger nails to stop him digging any deeper – but no – up they kept going– so he ended up spending the rest of the weekend looking like Michael Jackson – one glove - Shamoan!!!! Didn’t see him moon walking though ;-)

Have a fab weekend...
Kimmie x


Big chess tournament
The big chess tournament was taking place at the Plaza in New York. After the first day's competition, many of the winners were sitting around in the foyer of the hotel talking about their matches and bragging about their wonderful play. After a few drinks they started getting louder and louder until finally, the desk clerk couldn't take any more and kicked them out.

The next morning the Manager called the clerk into his office and told him there had been many complaints about his being so rude to the hotel guests....instead of kicking them out, he should have just asked them to be less noisy. The clerk responded, "I'm sorry, but if there's one thing I can't stand, it's chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

TGIF :-) 230508 Materia girl

Yo Friday peops

Mixed week off – most of the odd jobs ticked off – but still some hanging round – you know how it is – the best laid plans - but with my OCD it’ll get on me wick!

Monday – me and mom went to say goodbye to a neighbour from Hubert Road – affectionately known (by me) as ‘Daddy Wickles’ – apparently I used to call everyone mom and dad when I was little – nuff said……why is it though you have to wait till funerals to catch up – and there’s so much to say – like “Where did you buy your spray tan – it’s so even….” and “Is that a perm?” Well – you know me – mom cut it short before I could let the real family side down ;-)

Monday night put a new bigger flap in for Dennis – by Wednesday night he’s wearing it on the way out! Few longer screws and hopefully all will be well….

Tuesday I decide to cheer mom and dad up and take them to Bridgemere – I’ve never been to the garden centre – and after all it was only an hour up the M6…..anyway two loooooong hours after getting on at Spaghetti – with dad commenting on the Czech lorries and white van men and spelling the word ‘T-R-A’N-S-I-T’ for the fiftieth time we get off having only reached the other side of Brum and drive back to Becketts farm 3 miles up the road for lunch – dad by this time has fallen asleep and mom is getting bored with the Sudoku on her mobile phone! Still…. we managed to find two garden centres and spend lots of money!!

Not half as much as mom and dad spent on me on Wednesday though….. what with mom complaining that the seat belts in my pink thing strangled her… (I’d had them specially made... ;-), and dad getting bruised every time I changed gear… I decided to go for a fatter funkier car -which doesn’t strangle mom and the seats are too hard for dad to fall asleep :-)

So mater and pater got me something none of you will have heard of – a Daihatsu Materia – get googling….. here's a with a link to the Car pages review website which described it as a contender for the ugliest car plus they called it a ‘Marmite’ car – you either love it or hate it….. and Jeremy Clarkson likes it??!!!

When I asked the salesman about security features he said "Who'd want to nick it?" How fab is that!!!! :-D

The neighbours love it – Stella has been for a blat – and likes it because of the elevation…..Pat sat in it and liked the blue speaker lights – tho they only really come into their own in the dark….Easton sat in it and liked the big dash - and Alan loved the engine – said it looked clean??? and then helped me get it in the garage – and – laid some carpet (up the wall) so that when I open the door I wont dent it….. how posh is that for St. Irchley – wall to wall carpeted garage!

So have spent today hacking the garden back – 5 bags full later – after borrowing Easton’s humungous hedge trimmer – I accidentally lopped off half of my Acer tree – so it sort of ends abruptly – hard to describe – but fascinating to look at if you want to pop round….

Hope your bank holiday weekend isn’t too much of a wash out – James at work gets married to Rachel tomorrow – so hopefully the sun will shine on them in Shropshire. I’m bimbling in Pershore tomorrow and Gloucester on Monday and feeding mater and pater on Sunday with a Kangaroo casserole – to give them a bit of a jump start to the week!!

Have a good un
Kimmie x

TGIF :-) Computer says noooooooo.....

Yo Friday peops

The saga of the mobile phone companies continues……………

Last Saturday off I toddle to the O2 shop in Kings Heath to seek out a new ‘non-toxic’ deal….so I’m staring at the displays and the lovely young thing (dork) comes over – I tell her what I want………. “Sorry, we don’t do anything like that….” like I’ve asked for 500 free texts to Mars and 200 minutes talk time to Venus – fair enough….it’s a big request….

Off I wander next door (literally) to ‘Phones for U’ and staring at the displays see the ideal O2 package – so before any of the P4U ‘young things can pounce, I zip back next door and ask the O2 dork whether she does the ‘Simplicity 400’ package which I’ve just seen next door – she checks their magazine – and ‘Surprise Surprise’ – yes they do…. I give Dork the benefit of the doubt and offer to sit while she makes the sale…. sucker for the underdog ……..big mistake…..

I sit there while she sits like the ‘Little Britain’s’ computer geek Carol….. typing my bank credit card details in, using two fingers…. “Computer says nooooooo……”
Oh dear – try my Debit card…… “Computer says noooooooo…”

I insist their system must be wrong – so she asks me if she can go and check with her manager…. off she dawdles out back – and I sit there wondering whether the local Community Support Officers are going to come along and arrest me – they have a good system in Kings Heath – three way radio and the like…… she dawdles back in….. “Manager says noooooo…”

I zip up to my bank in the High Street – Halifax – fab peops…. I have funds – lots of funds – so they don’t know why O2 have said no….I zip up to Holland & Barrett and buy £9.99 of Cod Liver Oil capsules to last me three years cos there is 75% off – the card works – so I go back to O2 and show them the evidence…………..this is too much for dork to take in so she asks me if she can go and check with her manager…. off she dawdles out the back … she dawdles back in….. “Manager says noooooo…”

I ask again why the police haven’t arrived – after all I’ve tried to use both cards twice………. surely she has called the Community Support Officers? They are after all quite cute – I saw two of them today stood outside ‘New Look’ watching the teenagers leaving school and scoring them out of ten… bless! I think I scored three as I walked past – they have NO idea!

Anyway – needless to say after waiting to be arrested unsuccessfully I went next door and let the P4U young things pounce – and what a pleasant surprise – they worked above and beyond - were slick and smooth and won me over – PLUS – my VISA card worked – so I’ve gone with Vodafone – stuff O2 and Orange – methinks all mobiles starting with O – are shite – make a V(odafone) sign to the O’s!!

Mind you I dare say you’ve all got a tale to tell – but beware I’ve got 1000 free texts and 200 minutes for £20 a month – so if you’ve got my new number (or want it) I’ve got plenty to say J

Have a great weekend – I’m off for a week – getting some quality time before the little people hit the streets for Whitsun holidays :-)

Kimmie x

The future's bright but it ain't bloody ORANGE!

Yo Friday peops

This fortnight lark is getting to be a habit – this week’s excuse is that I was down in Devon & Doooorset last week – and they don’t have electricity y’know…..

Yes - my first trip to Dooooorset – mom and I often have to relive dad’s two years National Service in Lulworth Cove, so next time he revs up with …. “When I was In Lulworth Cove….” I can join in. It was fab driving along with tanks rolling over the exercise grounds adjacent to the road - and seeing road signs saying “Beware of sudden loud gunfire….” Brilliant :-)

Terri (one of the ‘terrible trio’ in New Zealand ) put me up for a couple of nights – I’ll get around to putting a pic of Terri and Max on the blog – he licked me to death – probably a quaint Dorset custom – tho Terri didn’t do that.

I then went on to Devon for a few days with SPICE and the Walkwise boys to Bideford – sharing with a new ‘roomie’– Fiona – who was a bit bemused by my decadent approach to these weekends – she thought I was kidding when I said I took the fridge down – needless to say we enjoyed some chilled wine and nibbles in our room every night… warning though – do not buy Whitworth’s Wasabi beans unless you want to really wreak revenge on someone who has severely peed you off…… tho they were ‘moreish’ in a masochistic sort of way….…Also had some early nights supping wine in our jammies – and watching telly – yup – I guess I am officially getting old – but there was something relaxing about watching ‘The Full Monty’ with chilled wine in our beds! Sadly the early nights didn’t do anything for my face – as you’ll see when I put the pics on the blog over the weekend – this gravity lark is a pain – might have to start heading up North to see if there is more lift? Got my first bit of ramblers tan though – topping up my New Zealand brown bits :-)

Now for the orange disasters – I get back on Sunday to a message on my answermachine from Goldfish – I’ve been cloned again! Third time now…. Toe rags downloading music and bless the bloody orange fish has spent over a grand again so beware folks – it’s t’internet they are using now chip n’ pin have moved the fraud, so I’m waiting for a letter from the fraud squad again…

…..and then I received my mobile bill from Orange this week and discovered that they have changed my contract from 500 free texts to 75 without telling me so I have clocked up a fair few extra pennies…. and of course the helpful man (not!) at the end of the line after I’d pressed a load of numbers and waited forever hearing how much Orange are ‘committed to customer care’ didn’t give a flying duck – their training in ‘pig ignorance’ is second to none! He said the 500 texts package was a ‘goodwill’ gesture and never part of the contract? Would like to be a fly on the wall when they receive my original contract copy – God it’s good being anal sometimes. Previously they forced me to have insurance at an extra fiver a month after their phone they supplied was duff, then a year later a third party supplier (tho they didn’t tell me who they were – just said ‘on behalf of Orange’) called and sold me a phone which wasn’t covered by the insurance so when that broke I had to pay to post it back and the sim card didn’t work blah blah….then I asked them if I had to pay more in New Zealand for the texts and they said that I didn’t and when the bill came surprise surprise they were wrong………it’s just one con after another – so it’s out with the magnifying glass tomorrow to read the small print before writing my letter of complaint and getting in touch with Ofcom…

Oh well – things can only get better

Have a good un - and goodnight Daddy Wickles x

TGIF :-) Mirror mirror.....

Does this happen with anyone else – any little DIY job turns into a marathon jobbie or small catalogue order always arrives and is wrong!

Now you all know I’m not always aesthetically pleasing, and am often shocked at the wrinkly stranger that peers back at me from mirrors these days….

However I have been toying with putting a large mirror over my fireplace – I’m North facing y’see – so I thought it would brighten my dark front room…so around three weeks ago I done the deed, then being just little OCD, spent a week measuring and faffing cos it was an inch too long, then dad was poorly bad, and one thing and another (ie I’m a procrastinater, procast – couldn’t be arsed) it is still leaning up the wall in my living room…

Any road up… mom shows me another in her Wilkinson’s catalogue – much better – and orders it along with her new small cabinet.

Small cabinet arrived last week smashed to smithereens… mirror arrives yesterday – wrong size – catalogue number is right – however it is assigned to a small narrower mirror and I wanted the bigger mirror…………

Dilemma

Phone call… after waiting 30 minutes on hold….picture steam coming out of mom’s ears by now….

Mom: “Hello, I’ve been waiting over 30 minutes – and your message said I was only going to wait 12?”

Wilkinsons: Blah Blah

Mom: “I know it’s not your fault….but over 30 minutes!! Anyway I’ve had a mirror arrive and it’s the wrong mirror on an order I placed; it’s for my daughter and she wanted the larger mirror but the order has arrived and it’s the narrower mirror……… oh the order number is blah blah…………..Yes, I know it’s the right order number but it’s the wrong mirror. The picture in the catalogue has the order number next to the bigger mirror, and it’s blah blah centimetres….”

Wilkinsons: Blah Blah… (at their end they only have the order information in inches!!) is that the blah blah inches one or the blah blah inches one?

Mom: “It’s the blah blah centimetres one

Mom: “Oh, I’m through to the wrong department?…….Well, I was waiting so long on the other line……….You can’t help me then?..............You’ll put me through?......Oh thank-you – (hand over receiver) ‘They are putting me through – he says sometimes you can jump the queue this way’… (LONG PAUSE)

Mom: “Oh hello, I’ve been put through to you – I waited over 30 minutes you know…..I’ve had a mirror arrive and it’s the wrong mirror on an order I placed; it’s for my daughter and she wanted the larger mirror but the order has arrived and it’s the narrower mirror….. the order number is blah blah…………..Yes, I know it’s the right order number but it’s the wrong mirror. The picture in the catalogue has the order number next to the bigger mirror, and it’s blah blah centimetres….”

Wilkinsons: Blah Blah…is that the blah blah inches one or the blah blah inches one?

Mom: “It’s the blah blah centimetres one…..”

Wilkinsons: Blah Blah….

Mom: “Yes, that’s right we placed order number blah blah for the blah blah centimetres one, and the blah blah centimetres one arrived, and my daughter wants the larger blah blah centimetres one,….”


So….. my mirror order and my mom’s phone call has caused a Nation-wide reprint of the new Wilkinsons catalogue and web page

Anyway it’s mom’s birthday today - happy birthday mom – I called her this morning – she says she caught sight of her arms in the mirror – and has reluctantly accepted that they are 72! I’ve cancelled the mirror order now J

Have a good un folks!

From Cropredy to CrapReady :-)

Are you shitting comfortably…………..? I’ll begin the story……

Last Sunday I went on a blowy refreshing walk around Cropredy with Gary regaling us with stories of the Civil war – trying to read the Information Panels upside down and sound clever :-)…. superb day…..I get home, all refreshed and rosy, shower and put me Jim Jams on…. chill out, and am just about to head up the ‘wooden hill’ to bed early, when mom phones…apparently dad is in ‘a bit of a state’, and she didn’t know where to start….so not quite knowing what to expect, I get dressed and head over to see wassup………….

Oh dear, it was like the scene from Monty Python’s ‘Meaning of Life’…..remember the sketch…. “One more wafer thin mint?....”

Anyway, poor sod was like a mobile fountain – with dual pump action - and had pretty much redecorated the house, and I think in hindsight the only reason mom needed me was to help decide whether the hues that dad was spraying matched the current décor and should stay – they didn’t and they didn’t :-(

So I go into ‘Wonder Woman/Nanny McPhee’ mode - using mom as assistant runner, while dad did the runners…..so to speak…. He was all spruced up and ready for bed in no time – well about two hours actually….. it’s not easy in a little bathroom which has a door with an industrial closing mechanism on – and (I used to think this was sweet….) a little mouse holding a tinkly bell…. well after about the fifth time I’d had the door shut up me arse, the ‘sweet’ mouse had a flannel unceremoniously stuffed up it’s own tinkly bell!.... (think it’s still there…)

For those of you who have been to their house you’ll know all the funny stuff they have around – clocks everywhere – and the old metal advertising hoards in the bathroom suddenly seemed so apt – and yes, they really are there - I took these with my mobile pohone today!














....And then being the dutiful daughter and not feeling good about leaving him with the assistant runner on her own, I set him up on the settee, and pulled up one of their lovely leather reclining chairs and a stool and settled in for the night…. and sent mom off to bed.

BING BONG BING BONG……. I had put the chair under their lovely Westminster clock… I shot up – and the chair folded me bolt upright with a very loud ‘bum on leather’ farting noise! Poor dad thought it was him – oh dear….….. "No dad it was me….” It then bonged every 15 minutes… which was useful I suppose cos at least I could time poor dad’s trips - every hour or so with one or other of his dual pumps spouting!

It stopped bonging at midnight – so I thought to myself at least I’ll get a bit some kip – when suddenly I was having a light shone in my face – an Intruder? No – mom has got security timers on the lamps and on and off they pop all night……we make it through to morning with dad still really poorly….Doc comes – Winter Vomiting Virus – blah blah…gets sorted…

I give mom a lesson (not that the houseproud bugger needs one….) on how to sterilise furniture and fittings – in between escorting pops to poops…and nagging him to drink even tho it didn’t stay down for long. I was quite proud of our multitasking…..anyway to cut a long story short, I stayed another night – with Mr Clock’s volume turned down, the security lights all turned off, the chair screwed tighter to stop me ejecting…. and sent mom off to bed again....dad needs loo, I switch main light on and set off the burglar alarm – the ‘main light’ apparently interferes with it – I’ll bloody interfere with it…..then at last zzzzzzzzzzz, 1am in the morning .....

WOKKA WOKKA - the police helicopter is hovering over the house – oh deep joy!!

Anyway – the old sod is better, me and mom haven’t gone down with it – and think we’re beyond the incubation time – so am planning on renting her out to the Hospitals to provide expert advice on deep cleaning - so she can earn me a few pennies!

I’m back at work after having a ‘crisis’ day off – think I’m only ‘allowed’ one crisis a year….

I was supposed to be partying at Centre Parcs this weekend but am relieved I managed to cancel - cos I’m the crankiest, moaniest, knackered old nag bag – (nothing new there then) and am going to spend the weekend asleep!

Have a good un folks

April Fool - I'm only 36 - in the virtual world :-)

Hi Friday peops

My Monday evening continued as it had started – I took a bottle of Chardonnay to Issie’s – it was corked – would have removed nail varnish!! So Rob will dine out on that one for ever…. I sat there through the lovely dinner thinking at least I could rescue myself from disaster with my gorgeous Delia Chocolate Bread & Butter pudding, but folks… it doesn’t re-heat well – Delia is usually quite anal good at letting us domestic goddesses know these things – and there is nothing like the subtlety of a teenager over-emphasising the arm motions of sawing through it like he was a bloody lumberjack!

Never mind Tuesday was better – apart from the fact that I was totally sucked in by the BBC’s April Fool Antarctica penguins promo clip for their news iplayer! I was tired when I was watching the news in bed gradually waking up and was fascinated by the fact that they found these penguins which could fly….couldn’t wait to tell dad!

Took mom to see Mrs Brown at the Alex – I howled - and am still smiling – was brilliant (as ever!). I wouldn’t mind but as you know I never wear make up cos I’m gorgeous but cos I was going out I took an age to put my mascara on – which is more difficult now I can’t use the curling tongs – and by the end of the evening my cheeks were wearing most of it!

I’ve carried on reading through my 1975 diary – good old James at work made me feel better when I mentioned my reminiscing in 1975 – his eyes lit up…….“Oh the year I was born…” Ignoring the fact that I had primed him and Keith the porter as I went home the day before to say nice things….he redeemed himself when he complimented me on my ‘Shaun the Sheep’ hair cut this morning - when he said not many women can carry off the short hair cut……….what with that and a Facebook ‘virtual age’ gizmo making me 36, I’m made up! :-)

Looking back at this time in 1975……
3rd April – “Went to work….I done a perm today. I put the neutraliser on and it turned out fab. The lady gave me a 10p tip so it must have been good……”
Saturday 5th – “Grand National – 1st – L’Escargot, 2nd Red Rum, 3rd Spanish Steps. I backed Tudor View. Dad backed ‘Hi Ken!’, Ian backed Red Rum, Mom backed Rough Silk. Hi Ken, Tudor View and Rough Silk fell! Mom’s feet are itchy….”

Lovely warm Spring days this week – but apparently the snow is going to fall on Sunday… when I’m walking in Banbury… wonder if I’ll see any penguins?

Have a good weekend folks – happy birthday to the lovely Nicole who is a third of the way to 90 – and feels old – pah!!

Kimmie x