Hello darkness my old friend it's end of British Summer Time again

Hi there Friday peops

Sod the Sad!

Health & Safety have featured highly again this week……sad but true it’s “European Week for Health & Safety at Work 2007” :-/

”Hello darkness my old friend……” – yes, ‘British Summertime’ officially ends this weekend…..personally I think it was some time back in April myself…. and the clocks go back an hour – so we can save daylight – how does that work when all we do is lop an hour from the evening and move it to the morning for a bit – so it’s the same amount? …..it’s William Willett’s fault – he started it all in 1907 so we’ve been at it for a whole century now - apparently if we adopted Central European time we’d get a later sunrise in winter and outdoor workers would be “particularly affected” as would the Northerners and Scots – so sod us SAD people in central England – with a Scot in charge of the rules now, we’ve no hope! The good news though is that next week the clocks in all the offices at work will be right again cos they were never moved forward in the Spring :-)

I was climbing the indoor wall at Moseley again on Tuesday night – three very wobbly trips to the ceiling – wobbly cos those harnesses didn’t do much for my cheeks – and yes my bum did look big… the boys looked impressive tho’…… ;-P - and when I was lowered I was wobbling all over like Acorn Antiques’ Mrs Overall – every muscle dancing to it’s own tune – and still are three days later! This year Health & Safety have issued guidance on ‘Working from Heights’ for cavers and climbers….building on their 2005 work with steeplejacks and window cleaners - you can just imagine our beautiful crags littered with red triangular warning signs and air cushions at the base of Scafell Pike!

I’m off walking in the Malverns tomorrow –Gary will of course have done a full risk assessment on the hazards - ie lack of pubs or tea rooms, lack of decent totty to chat to and of course if it is drizzling the issue of the carefully applied mascara running down the boys’ faces……………

Well – better go now – this one’s for Numpty
PS Well done Floribunda – your Bok Boys did you proud! Thanks for my weight watchers Pork and mush stroganoff on Wednesday Issie – it has counterbalanced the amazing amount of chocolate I’ve put away this week – my winter comfort eating has started early this year :-D

Have a fab weekend folks

Kimmie x

October 21st was Trafalgar Day…….. long one but apt - go to this joke link - Trafalgar – Health & Safety guidelines for what would have happened if Nelson had to follow Health & Safety rules......

Bollox Bolloxius Bolloxum zero tolerance zone

Hello Friday peops

Bollox Bolloxius Bolloxum – my favourite word of the week. Ms Zero Tolerance here….. Lots of ups and downs - and knock downs, however have ended the week on a high note – having knocked someone over – now I know it’s not politically correct to be pleased about something like that, but it did cheer me up after the middle bit of the week was rather full of Bollox! More of that at the end…

Last weekend the lovely Ken celebrated his double 25th birthday and was well chuffed with his surprise cake (see pics) which I lovingly made and Gary contributed towards – so we had a nice pub dinner after a lovely sunny walk round Snowshill – with fab people!

We had a real belly laugh – at the expense of a MCP – the first of many to talk Bollox this week…… it became apparent that one of the guys was using his girlfriend as his Sherpa for the day, much to Martin’s dismay who spent the whole day trying to figure out how he could persuade one of us girlies to do it for him next time – so imagine the response when Martin (tongue in cheek) asked Mr MCP for advice – and he oinked, sorry, responded with “Well, you don’t have a dog, and…..b…. “ :-O .... before he could finish his sentence, there were 45 pairs of eyes drilling holes through his thick pig skin – tee hee…….

Tuesday - spent the day on a split shift with a lovely nurse called Ann, bombing round the north of Birmingham scooping people out of bed, bathing, showering, shovelling food down them, sitting them out in comfy chairs, before another team went round, I think about 30 minutes behind us – judging by the amount of cars we kept passing with other nurses from the same team!.....scooping them all up again and putting them back to bed! In the evening then went with the lovely Clive to the Comedy Club in the evening – to unwind – three brill comedians on…

The rest of the week at work I’ve been a bit of a rebel without a cause, cos as you all know these statistics about the poor and excellent hospitals are also a load of Bollox – the figures are so easily ‘doctored’ – pardon the pun – but hey ho – the hospital where they starved mom, moved her bed into the gangway of the DVT clinic and gave her a dressing trolley to eat off got a ‘good’ so that’s alright then!

Needless to say when I was told to behave today because ‘someone important’ was coming round, I used my favourite word of the week again to my Boss – ‘Bollox’ in this instance could be seen as a bit of a career limiting word – am I bovered? NO! Thing is, that implies that I don’t behave the rest of the time – and those of you who know me know that what you see is what you get, so after a long day of ‘behaving’, and trying to sort out the usual Friday pile of Bollox, I get a phone call five minutes before I leave work from someone who thinks they are important at Trust to ask for something they should have chased in March, and the deadline for this information is 5 o’clock today – oh dear, what a shame – and all those mummies who have gone home early to put their kids on E-bay for half-term are not to be found – and the mummies have the answers… so I suddenly find the phone line breaking up…. and I leopard crawled out of the building to the car park, camouflaged with the thick skin of a typical NHS middle manager, and went shopping in Kings Heath….. this is where I knocked someone over – well to be more precise he knocked himself over – and I still don’t really know how I stayed upright – but think it was a force field of bolloxum energies…

A trio of teenage ASBO cyclists were giving it the old BMX ‘Red Arrow formation’ wheelie jobbies along the pavement, so I sneered at the first one as he brushed my side, which in hindsight was a bit silly as it made the second in command rather cross - so he steered towards me with a steely look in his eye, locked onto his target :-O and then suddenly glanced off my right knee?!? spirals off to my right in a rather spectacular nose dive crashing onto the pavement, sadly all organs were intact :-( so when Red ASBO three braked in front of my now puffed out chest – he knew better and peeled off to the left – the passengers on the No. 45 enjoying a free show – and me – I was left standing with a tyre mark up my winter weight Nora Batties!! Now, come on – who amongst you feel like me - a sense of smug satisfaction when these silly little boys learn not to mess with us middle age urban warriors?!? :-D

Have a fab weekend folks – I’m off deer watching tomorrow – I’ll probably end up rutting knowing the mood I’m in :-)

Kimmie x

A man was cycling fast down a narrow, twisting, mountain road. A woman was driving very slowly uphill, honking her horn and shouting at him: "PIG! PIG!!". He flipped her the finger and shouted back "BITCH! COW!!". Then he collided with the pig!

Bridget Jones tries to join the circus

Yo Friday peops

Hope you have all had a good week – as per… it has been weird and wonderful.

Tuesday night I went with Pat’s Clive and a couple of pals from work to our local Pub Comedy club – the Cheeky Monkey - three ‘turns’ – first good, middle bombed, but the top act was Mandy Knight– fab! I got called 'Sir' so will wear a skirt next week.....

Loved her singledom put downs – and could so relate to her wonderful one liners …..like…. when you are at family weddings – and the old aunts come up and say to you in that usual patronising manner “Don’t worry love … you’ll be next ….” while pinching your cheeks….. her idea of revenge ….. and I WILL be using it.... is to do the same to them at family funerals – God knows we have enough of them – so it wont be long before I can try that one out!

Last night I took the old uns to Cirque du Soleil’s ‘Delirium’ show – it was their 47th anniversary present plus Christmas present ….. it was absolutely amazing – the special effects and acrobatics were exquisite… I was quite taken with the very large African drummers as well – they didn’t just have six packs – they had crates!

Mind you, I was sort of hoping they might get the bug and run away and join the circus, but alas, I noticed when I drove out of the car park at high speed, they had managed to hang on to the bumpers and door handles so I pulled over so they didn’t mess up the paintwork.

I was naughty tonight and called Kiwi land and started to ask them in my poshest English accent – yes Sharpie I do have one…..about how they feel about English people visiting their homeland…. and Rich (tut tut) starts to make excuses about bathing the baby – well, now I know that was lies cos 20 minutes later I get a fabulous photo of the kiddlings all fully dressed – see the pic here..... amazing what Rich managed while chatting to me on the phone at the same time eh!!! :-D Laugh!!!!! It was soooo good to hear those accents again.

Lucia told me all about her party skirt and hair ribbons, Sam told me that when he was born he was just a baby (I bet Manda was relieved about that!) and that he was going to play with Scott and Manda tells me me they might even have a roof on their house by the time I get there – so all good stuff!! Apparently there is one builder Manda says would suit – and she has taste cos she has Rich – so I’m not too worried if it’s not finished - I might just take a hard hat and get plastered ;-)


Anyway – must dash – bath is getting cold and wine is getting warm…. off to the Cotswolds tomorrow to celebrate the lovely Ken’s 50th – before coming home to watch the rugby – Rich, I’m sorry your boys are out – cos some of them have lovely thighs…..but I’m really watching it so I can see the ‘Cave man’ – I know I should be supporting England, and I still wont be buying their apples .. but ;-)……………………………………..

Kimmie x

Found this on t’internet –it really helped me understand rugby….

THE FORWARDS
There are eight forwards: They take part in scrums, lineouts, rucks, and mauls - essentially everything that is meaningful in the game. The close physical work necessary for the forwards engenders a sense of comradeship not shared by the prancing, self-centered and effeminate backs. The game has evolved, thank goodness, with multi-phase possession allowing the forwards to demonstrate their running ability with the ball.

Props and Hookers: The front row is the cauldron, the foundation for all good rugby play. The front row is noted for their power and good looks, like no necks, battered ears, and S-shaped noses. Such players are noted for their intelligence and longevity well into their forties.

Second Row: The second row is the engine room where the power flows. The second row - or lock forward - is tall, with plenty of leverage strength in the legs. He must be productive in the lineouts as a jumper or supporter. Mobility is added plus. The second row is much appreciated by the front row for their power in the scrummage but they are generally not as good looking as the front row.

The loose forwards: The loose forwards include the #8 and the flankers. The loose forwards are respected by the front row for their mobility, fitness, defense and support work. The loosey must have tremendous fitness and ball fetching instincts which are not completely understood or trusted by the props and hooker, who are perfectly content to scrummage all day for the ball.

The Scrum-half: The little scrum half provides the ball to the backs when the forwards are damn well ready for the strutting backs to knock it forward. The forwards have grudging respect for the scrum-half because he trys hard and is not afraid to get dirty with the rest of the scrummies. The wise scrum-half will drink and buy beers for the scrummies to maintain his favored position with the forwards.

THE BACKS
The FlyhalfIt is rumored that the Fly has the best vision, hands, kicking ability, and overall tactical decision making ability on the side. The forwards do not understand or trust this individual. The hard-working scrummies generally expect and anticipate a knock forward from the fly so they can have the pleasure of another scrum-down.

The Centers: These hombres are supposed to be deadly tacklers, with strong running instincts and good hands. Alas, the centers are lumped in there with the prancing flyhalf. If the fly doesn't knock on, surely one of the centers will muff it up so the scrummies can experience the joy and satisfaction of another scrum-down.

The Fullback and Wingers: These guys may as well be from Mars. They are allegedly fast with excellent striking ability. They are supposed to score lots of trys, catch the high ball, and counter attack with flair. But the stark reality (well understood by the forwards) is that the fullback and wingers prance and preen more than the inside backs. They don't get dirty and are always playing with their hair and pulling on their collars. In fact their sexual orientation has been called into question on numerous occasions. Some props think fullbacks and wingers are "real purdy."

Toad and Mole, and Ratty and his friend....

Hello Friday peops

A day late because I had a posh guest last night from Solihull – Sharpie and I had a girlie sleepover – rather a nice (hic!) end to the week, so I thought I would share with you some of the rather decadent things we did together, though I know it’s wrong to show off, but just so you can see that posh people from Solihull can still have a wonderful time in St.Irchley :-)



Even Sharpie was amazed at some of the posh things I managed to arrange at short notice – y’see I was meant to be going to Solihull but one of the seven dwarves – Sneezy (ie Junie!) was too contagious so Happy and Dopey had a fab time at my humble abode instead.

As the sun set and the gentle breeze blew the Acers and grasses, and our glasses were charged with some chilled Gerwurtz….you could have imagined you were anywhere except St. Irchley, that is until……. the heady sound of the sirens chasing the ASBO boy racers up the local streets pierced the night air, the neeee-naaaw-neeee-naaaw dulling the birds evensong as they settled down for the night…. but thankfully not dulling the sound of us two birds twittering away and not settling until very very late :-)……. I’ll tell you how late later ……………

Sharpie was amazed at the range of posh activities I had arranged, and though had dressed inappropriately for the occasion in a nice pink twinset and fluffy slippers (see pic), still enjoyed herself. I’d arranged for some beaters to flush out the local wildlife - so 2 rats kept popping up in between the grasses so that Sharpie could aim the gun (well… a repeller) at them – kept us amused for hours. I then arranged for some local gourmet cuisine to be delivered ie a curry from the Bengal Chaa – it didn’t touch the sides – in fact it didn’t touch a plate – I’d given the maid the evening off so we ate out of the foil….we had worked up quite an appetite by this time – with all the excitement of the shooting!

We lit the chiminea – Sharpie, like a woman possessed - was quite defensive when I’d take the poker and try and join in – there was ash and glowing embers dotting the night sky…. we quickly ran out of kindling, so I decided to ‘tidy up’ the pile of Nursing magazines scattered round the sunlounge… whoosh! We’d got a load of candles lit big posh ones - the garden looked quite pretty – and very very bright– lit up like a runway in fact – which might explain why quite a few planes appeared to be diverting from their usual flight path - we did wave… or should that be sway? Sharpie discovered that candle wax also goes up nicely – and was pouring hot liquid wax down the chiminea - though missed her aim a few times and now my hobbit like feet are all smooth :-)

The finale was when the local ASBOs parked up for the night and started letting off fireworks – oh how beautiful that was – think they were celebrating an early Diwali, through the haze of the magazine smoke they looked lovely! Signal to retire…..so after a long long night in front of the blazing fire, shooting the local wildlife, eating heartily and drinking top notch BOGOF wine from the Co-Op, we retired very very late to bed with a cup of cocoa – it was, after all around 8pm!

Hope you are all having a great weekend

Kimmie x

Candle joke:

At the end of the tax year the Tax Office sent an inspector to Audit the books of a Synagogue.
While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"
"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."
"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way:
"What about all these bread -wafer purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question."We collect them and send them back to the manufactures, and every now and then they send us a free box of bread - wafers."
"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the "know - it - all" Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?
"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."